lovin-u-4ever

2012-01-02T01:24:00.000+08:00

It's been years since i updated. First, HAPPY NEW YEAR! :D

Days in 2011 had been tough but i enjoyed my days. Especially days that i actually met many many friends. Friends that i can talk to... Thank you for being there for me, whenever i need it. Though ur responses wont be as quickly as it is, but still, u guys are still there for me. Seriously glad to have all of you with me.

I failed my macroecons. How sad it is.. I got to retake it this sem alone. Sigh.. ALONE..That's the scariest thing for me.Doing things alone.. sigh... anw i going to say bye! :D

Goodnight.

2011-08-21T00:57:00.002+08:00

Hoping that i have more income now.. So i can go on a getaway to Bintan.. :D Who is willing to sponsor me?! :D

2011-08-07T22:17:00.002+08:00

There are times i really dun understand what is going on.. Why can a person that i love and care so much, make such remarks? F.. When i heard it, i was like O.O.. What is going on.. What is wrong?? Is it so difficult to compromise and help out when others need help? "I ought to get my rest, as i had contributed so much and put in so much effort in it! " The expression and emotions between us was... >.<" What is seriously wrong with U!???

Yes, this may not concern you, but compromising alittle is so freaking difficult for u? WTF! So angry.. I feel useless that i cant contribute anything, and i can't help but by sitting at the side, seeing how you want it to get going. I pity you. But seriously, if you are not helping, then LEAVE! Dun be bothered! sigh.. Yes, you may dote me to a certain extent, but what i really hoped to see is, you can treat my family and i better, by helping and compromising. Not pushing blames and responsibilities to others. Sigh... What a night..

I woke up at 6am this morning. Preparing for work at Pasir Ris which starts at 8am. I managed to reach there by 8am, with Macdonald breakfast ready. Finished eating everything, and work started at 830am. It's a boring day, but lucky i have Meixin and Joelyn! :D A few hours later, it began to rain. Cold weather, so nice, so nice to sleep! haha. The three of us, had a great working day i suppose. :D Happy.. :) Hopefully... ahh.. nothing haha.

I want a getaway.. Really a short getaway.. Feeling so stress and burden with money issues. I suppose this week, i got to starve again, in order to be able to attend Deng Hang's farewell party. I will limit myself with $16 for this week. You think it's possible? I hope so.. I need to save up for the upcoming wedding dinner. B's friends are giving an ang bao of $$$, and i think that it may take me a month to save? Hopefully i am able to save..Even my pay for a month, is not enough. How i wish that money can really drop from the sky. HAHA! If not my stock market millionaire to be realistic!

A getaway will be hard this time round.. Wedding dinner is a must to attend. Whereas getaway can push back.. I believe this is what he will think? Sigh.. No money, nothing can be done. At the same time, money cannot buy everything.

sign out (What a day..)

2011-08-06T23:07:00.000+08:00

After so many days of doting.. I felt the love and the care that I similarly wanted. But is all those fake love and care? Or are those imaginary love and care?

During happy times, I felt so happy.. Really flying in the sky.. But when it comes to gaming, everything seems to be thrown away. My heart seems to be torn apart. It's not painful, but feel with alot of disappointments. In the first place, why will I even feel and think like this?

Last night, I fell asleep at 2am.. Slept till 430am.. And woke up. Can't sleep any further. Felt so disturbed.. Been flipping till 630am and I fell asleep. Soon, 645am my first alarm rang. Second alam rang at 720am. Third, rang at 735am. There goes my sleep.

I received a SMS from B at about 708am. A msg that hoping to cheer me up? Purposely waking up in the morning to text me. What is his purpose? The feeling in me, was so fed up and messed up. Is that the min that he can do?

I expected more from him:
1.Come over and send me to school.
2. Pick me up from school.
I thought such actions mentioned above will be his doings. But I realized I am wrong. Should not pin High hope on him, and consequence is to fall badly on the ground. At least a SMS is better than nothing. I still give my minimum appreciations.

"Choose not to come over, because if we break up, duno how to face my family" he said something like that before. Still breaks my heart when i think back. Skipping a saturday of his family dinner will kill him? Just to join in my family dinner for once will die? I have been receiving "rejects". Now, dinner changed to Sunday. Can u spare ur little time after work to come over for dinner? "no, dun wan. Will be tired and it's late"

As I typed all these, my mind is filled with what had happen last night. "Gaming" I chose not to meet B today is because I am really in a foul mood. Because I am feeling terribly angry and upset. Can I reject ur calls for my shows/dramas? I can give up watching tv/ doing my school work just to talk to u for that short moment. But this doesn't applies to him.

Sign out( unhappy from last night)

2011-08-04T01:13:00.000+08:00

Suddenly i have mood to blog today... It's been a busy month of July. School started and everything.. Especially assignments are a headache to me.. Having a lot of problems with my own assignments.. I felt that i am a grown up now. I can dun depend on my boy any further. Finally i realized that studies is more important than anything.. Especially when it comes to relationship. I am happy and glad that i had bronson as mine. He is mature and understands my situation, by putting himself in me. Always thinking and learning to care for me, more and more.. I am falling in love with him.. Deeper and deeper.. These days, i felt so warm... so loved.. I wonder why... His little actions made me change his image in me. I start to see hope for the future.. And no longer a pitch dark patch, no idea on how to continue my pavement.

I had been spending money.. On necessary stuffs... How i wish i can have a full time job, therefore i can work and earn money.. Not enough allowance can kill me.. $70 per week, as a young adult/teen like me, its not enough.. Even brother took $80 per week. Bias.. Sigh.. I have 6 days of school, while he has 5 days of school. What a "nice" treatment is this.. Maybe i shall turn back into the old Patricia, on how to save money.. Not eating breakfast, lunch.. But dinner. Good Idea?? Dinner home.. Breakfast and Lunch, dun spend money.. Really wonder, how much will i be able to save?

Assignments are finally over! :D haha.. I can rest for tonight, and start my revisions? I hope i will and i would.. haha..

goodnight..
signout (loved..:))

2011-07-06T01:02:00.000+08:00

05 July 2011: Today is the second day of school! That ang mo lecturer of mine was "fantastic"! I guess i just need some time to adapt. :) Anw, The group problem had finally settled! :D YEAH! I cried and she cried... Let's see who cry longer.. LOL! haha. Just kidding. So stressful and pressurized by them, trying to persuade me to stay in the group. This may allow them to make use of me more, and they can slack all the way again?~ Dare not think that way.. If not, some happen to read my blog, i will be doom dead!

After school, i went home and rest.. Waited for my boy for almost 2hrs, while waiting, soon i fell asleep. Taking my nap so soundly till i receive his call that he is waiting for bus. We head off to clementi to buy my koi! :D haha..It's not that nice now... Queue is shorter as well as the waiting time...Went to walk around in clementi mall and went to west coast for many matches of pool competition within the both of us. I completely got trashed by him. I felt so disrespected by his behavior, pooling while playing game on his phone. I was so pissed, i went over and close the application, and he came walking towards me with a angry face. I told him this with a angry and unpleasing tone "Aren't you suppose to give me your least respect, for not playing game? Not even have the intention to play?!" Soon all my attitudes are here... Assembling and ready to explode... Lucky i didn't really explode... Able to control.

Table pool followed by LAN gaming. OMG... I totally cannot take the dizziness i received after about 2hr 30 mins of LAN gaming. Moving around and around... Head spinning.. Even going to the toilet is a problem to me. Vomited my green tea out in the toilet.. *EEYER!* Soon we headed home. :)

This is how i spent my day... Wonder how will it be like tmr. Especially things in class, between my friends and i. hmm.... Not thinking.. Tmr will be a long day for me... Need to rest...

Sign out( Sian ttm! )

2011-07-04T01:15:00.000+08:00

03 July 2011: I miss you.. And i really do... I was working at BPP with amanda and liang liang for UOB roadshow. Had a great time catching up with amanda.. :) Working from 11am to 5pm, it isn't a tired job. I enjoyed it because i have my friend with me. Went for a macdonald Lunch and i got the cup! :D YEAH! haha.. My bebe liked that cup, and i gave it to him.. After work, i went down to lucky plaza to wait for him. Simply slept for the whole journey. Although the job may not be a tired one, but i am physically tired from lack of sleep. I miss my bebe, hence i made a trip down.. Went to ION mall and bought my beijin kao ya! heehee and old chang kee followed by 7-11's big gulp! Went up, and sat inside the shop eating happily, seeing my boy working, talking to his working mates was a joy. Simply, that kinda feeling, its like a friend that can talk everything and can be crazy with everything and anything. Sadly, they treated me like a kid. Cause i am still young! =.="

Many many gossips about our BFs haha.. Complaining here, acting there.. haha. It's really funny and fun. I enjoyed my times talking to them. Really i do. I hope to have met such friends in my current school. Sadly, i don't. Dinner was KFC! haha.. All fried food for today! Tmr i am not going to take any fried food! :D

Been having dilemma theses days, whether to change my group for class or not. Been working with the current group for the past 3 semesters. Working with them maybe tedious, but the after results are acceptable and i am happy with it. I am pretty used to work with them, but there are too many quarrels, arguments and nasty comments about one another. This is something which i really dislike. Especially, one claiming all the credits to him/ herself. Not trying to emphasize who is it. Many unhappiness started to build/ stack up. We only can complain to ourselves and not speak up. Simply we know that, it will cause chaos! Hais...

I feel guilty to be the one breaking the group up, as i am having intentions to leave the group and it is close to a conclusion. Everything came stopping me to change group again. One of my current team mate had decided to change group too. And he literally going to give " a slap" on my other team mates face, as it was so last minute. If my current team mate and i left the group, the group will be left with 3 ppl. Which is unable to create a group, due to lack of team members. This is where i am shaking.. Thinking and worrying that, tmr my other team mates will persuade and stop me from leaving the group. I feel that, i am not needed in this group any further, except for the final report, i got to edit everyone's language. Even commenting on one's work is poorly written is also forbidden. Got spank and slap back on my face for commenting that. Hais.. Thinking that, why can't he/she admit that it is really poorly written? Anyway, everything should be over soon. I won't stop myself from contacting and being friend with my current team mates, even if i change group. Because i know that, we had been through highs and lows together as one? Hopefully its one. haha.

Gotta go.. Class starts at 830am
sign out( dilemma *hais*)

2011-07-01T02:00:00.000+08:00

What a heavy rain today! Was sleeping so soundly till my alarm clock rings at 9am! Then i dragged my time till about 10-1030am then i wake up. haha! What a pig! :P Dragging my both legs to the living room to look after my brother. :) What a cutie pie to play with in the morning. haha. Proceed my day with heading to my boy's house and wake him up! Then we were slacking till about 550pm, we took a cab to cine to watch Transformers 3! :D haha! Nice show, but it made me so nervous that my sweaty palms were wet for the whole show, which lasted for two and a half hours. Had a great dinner with my boy and his two other buds. Listening to their 'speeches' and the way they talk. I actually feel happy being there, especially when i see my boy's smiles. So sweet and happy. But when i need to go home, i felt so heavily burdened. Is it because of my curfew, that's why u are so unhappy. I feel so unhappy, when i feel the unhappiness from you. I also duno what i can do to cheer u up.. Feel so.. urgh... Hais, nvm la.. Over le..

On the bus, we had fun. I at least feel the happiness but it is just awhile...Reached home, and talked to my mum and baby brother... Trying to play more with him.. :) Talk to him... Teach him how to speak! :D

I miss my boy.. I passed my TP! I want to drive drive! :D Drive drive drive!~~

sign out~ ( What a 'long' blog~)

2011-06-29T23:57:00.000+08:00

Yeah~.. I totally had forgotten about this blog of mine. Okay, first of all, my results for my semester 3 was bad! A for accounts B for HR and F for marketing.. wth.. I have to retake marketing. Anw, its done, and i will retake.. The whole of june holidays, i have been travelling. 9 June - 17 June i went to Taiwan with my boy and granny. The main purpose of traveling to Taiwan, is to accompany my granny, she need to attend classes over at Taiwan. See... She is just a perfect example for me, to learn and learn, study and study, even till she is at her age of mid 50s. The days without granny as she went for classes, left my boy and I alone. We went around Kaoshiung and walked about it... Explored it, finding public washing machines which are like 2-3 streets from our Hotel. Went to night markets but i dare not take the food, as i have very sensitive tummy. haha! Sad. Went shopping and shopping! :D All we can is to spend money! :D But i did enjoy myself overall. Traveled to Taipei by the express train, and i feel that Taipei have nothing much to shop. haha. I prefer Kaoshiung. Things became unexpected during Taipei. I actually showed attitude when i am controlling it. I can't take it any further. Hais... Anw, its over. I hoped that such things won't happen again.

Next up is 22 June - 24 June i went on cruise with granny, uncle and his wife, aunty and her son, and most importantly my boy. My brother had rejected the trip 1 night before, mainly (i suppose) because of his gf. LOL!. =.=" Made granny wasted $570. LOL! Stupid. Anw, those three days was fun.. Felt so different, similar to how i felt when i was in Taiwan. My boy and I, dun really hold hands like normal couple does. hais.. Although we are sleeping on the same bed, but we dun show/ display that we are lovers, more than two friend sleeping on the same bed, with different worlds... Okay la, i should not grumble and should not take things for granted. I am happy that i get to travel with my boy for practically whole of June. :)

tata.. Starting school soon~ I passed my TP and its FINALLY I PASSED! :D haha. That's all..

sign out..
(pretty lost and unhappy..)

2011-03-24T15:49:00.000+08:00

I still wants a DSLR camera.. :D haha! How i wish i can have one now! :D Received my results! YEAH! ALL PASSED!~~ :DDD Got an A for statistic!!! B+ for Financial Accounting and B for my Business communication! :D So Happy! At least i passed Business Communication! And, i still maintain at a average B!

Many things happening now.. Many things are going on.. People have to move on, and people have to learn to let go. Somethings are just so unreasonable. Life still have to move on. Relationship is still going firm and strong, and now i am having my holidays.. I really hoped that i have that KIK to study for my next semester! I wont want to retake any module nor do i want to extend my course. JIAYOU! Like i say, forgetting someone u love is hard, but u still have to try.. Have to move on with ur life. However, emotions and feelings does affect ur mentality.

No matter how strong and firm u are to forget this person, but ur feelings and emotions are still hanging and clinging onto him/her, you will still suffer in pain and aches. Jiayou.. Knowing a few friends that wants to forget the other half of themselves, felt heart ache for them. Maybe their half really dun deserve their love, care and concern.

Being and feeling so tired... Been busy with things happening and going on in my family, doing my things, filing up forms for dad.. NOT ENOUGH SLEEP! TIRED!! damn shag!!! During holidays, i am like living in a rush world.. BEEN rushing here and there, to and fro. Very tiring!!! Want to have enough sleep, also something difficult for me... I miss u, and i really wish that i can hold u in my arms and sleep. Or even cuddle in ur arms.

The tiny broad shoulders u have, is enough for me. You have occupied my heart, it hurts when u are disappointed or even unhappy/sad/ dull. When i feel really useless.. I am really useless. This is how much i wish that i can be the one successful lady behind u.

Missing you alot.. Loving u alot.. Afraid to lose you just by a minute... I love you.

sign out(hai)

2011-03-18T00:48:00.000+08:00

Had a great time meeting up.. :D I hoped u are happy too. haha.. Had a long and tired day.. Went driving and i met gwen in the circuit haha. So cool.. Went all the way down to orchard by taking the red line, from gombak all the way to orchard.. The trip is really very tedious. But it is worth the trip. Had little fun during the meet up.Went walking around ION, and bought a polo tee for brother... When u asked me, what do i need.. Haha! I had one in mind! Which is my DSLR camera.. I don't mind.. :P but it is way too expensive.. :DD After that meet up, went to meet hannah.. Went to buy cards for her bf, and mine, and i went cold storage to buy groceries. I am preparing for the 18th March. :D I have no idea why, i treat this particular 18th so seriously. Maybe i want to prove to u, and myself that i truly love u. but in the first place, is the feeling the same? Maybe i am getting matured, and as the relationship gets longer, i felt that i may not be the one for u, i may not be that gal that can commit to u. It's kinda sad isnt it?

I feel so tired.. Tired of making a day special, but it was being destroyed by myself again and again. Feeling so down and unhappy these days. I wonder why.. Suddenly, i really hope that u can still be the one to cheer me up again.. Unhappiness is filing up the happiness.. Missing you badly, as well as dun wan to see u badly... Wanting u to be beside me, is filing up the place of dun wan u to be beside me.

I am glad and happy that u made changes.. I hugged me when i need it.. You know that i am unhappy, yet u still hugged me.. But that is just in private. I am contented with such changes made in u. Wonder, how long more i got to wait, in order to obtain ur 100% (love+care&concern+concentrations)..

18th suppose to be a happy day, but now. I felt as though it is hell. Knowing that u are meeting that gal for class tmr, makes me feel so freaking uneasy. I am way too sensitive.. I want to get rid of the sensitive side of me. How can i? So tired of talking and finding topics to talk to u.. Really tired...

But no matter what, i am still thankful that u thought me alot of things through this relationship. Thank u.. :D

sign out(Hope to be a happy day)

2011-03-13T00:37:00.000+08:00

IT SHOW! :DDD Bought a small netbook, as a birthday present for granny! :DDD Sharing with my aunties and uncles! :D So happy.. I hoped that, the netbook i chose will be something useful and good, as compared to the old one! :D Looking at the DSLR camera! It's like OMG!!! I really hoped that i can get one! But, its a pity that i am not that financial capable. Just wondering how can i get quick cash.. I really really want a DSLR! And, IT show displays such a good pricing and offer.. It's really tempting me.. I wonder who will be so nice to buy it for me. haha, i know its impossible.. I really really hoped that i can have one... Even the most basic D3100, i will be fine with it!! IT show is really attracting me.. Hais.. What the hell is this! =.=" How i wish i really can get it now...

I am happy.. I am sad(i didnt manage to buy my DSLR camera).. I am disappointed just like how u are disappointed.. Hais... THinking that a call from you will always be something good. But I have been thinking and thinking negative sides, thinking that she is talking to u.. thinking that u and her are chatting happily.. But why, am i thinking so much for, When u are assuring me things again and again... This is how insecure i am. I am not a person who will be easily secured... I having mixed feelings and thinking of my DSLR camera again.. SHIT! RAWR! hais....

sign out( byebye DSLR camera)

2011-03-07T23:40:00.000+08:00

To sum up the whole of today, i actually felt happy. Despite the unhappy beginning, but everything ended well enough to make me happy. During badminton, we also quarreled. its like so LOL! But after walking out of the CC, we are on good terms again. I am really glad that we recover really that fast! Had our lunch tgt, being like a fool, controlled by this old ah ma! LOL! i went to sit there, and she said there is person eating here, as the plates are there, but the food are like finished eating or so.. hais, just like so stupid fool, shifting the table here and there! LOL! whatever..

Went queensway! :D Had many fun and laughters there.. :D but i had fun in the end.. :D Thinking of how to spend my days this week! My boy will be free only on wed! :D how sad it is... He told me that, this friday might have a BBQ party with his Uni friends.. I am kinda not that interested anw.. haha! but i will want to follow him there.. :D I wouldn't mind.. As long as he accompanied me, and not throw me aside like the previous times.. I feel so upset.. I can't wait to have my long night rest!! :D Holiday is here!! <3!!!

sign out.. (??)

2011-03-07T09:40:00.000+08:00

Yst was a very happy day. His first question to me was "what's that drink, that u are holding?" subsequently, his questions are all about the conversation I had. I needed alot of ur attention. But ur attentions getting lesser and lesser. Thinking and praying hard that today will be a happy day for me. Since morning I am going to airport to pick my granny up. :) after that I decided to head over to his house. Thinking that I could sleep in his arms. I created this opportunity for u, to give me more of ur attention. You said you was shocked and surprised that I won't want to stay home and sleep. My reason is purely, I want u to keep me company. Buy sadly to say, u just sat down on that freaking floor, and started staring at ur phone, peelin ur lips, thinking of what is ur next move. Soon, I fell asleep. When I wake up, the first thing was, U ARE FCKING NOT THERE! I thought it was my fault. I thought I made it clear to u, that I want to sleep in ur arms. But... U just neglected me again and again! I really regretted coming over so early, when I can sleep at home with air corn, and not suffering the heat now!!! Or even playing with my baby brother.. I really had enough of u!! Ass! U are really getting on my nerves!!!!

2011-03-06T18:10:00.003+08:00

Exams are finally over! : D i am so happy and relaxed now! decided to rest for a week, having enough sleep then i will start working! :D Always think that u dun love me, but the fact is u do. I am kinda ignored by u. Maybe cause ur brother came back from london. The whole day u have been working, hence i didn't get to text u. When u are home, i bet u started talking to ur brother and mother. Followed by fixing the new tv, etc.. Lucky hannah came over and spend the lonely time with me. We chatted downstairs my house for a very long time.. It's been so good that i have such a good listener, that is willing to listen to me without any complaints, and gives me those responses that i needed.. It's been a great night! Thanks Hannah.

Giving me goose bumps are things that are supposed to be done. The whole of yst, i had my exams in the morning, followed by going down to help my uncle. Its a very tiring day for me.. Yet, i am unable to get what i want. It's really something so... urgh... Then today, i went down to orchard to meet Kiat. She explains things to me.. etc etc.. something confidential.. ya.. The smses that u smsed me are all regarding about whatever she talked about.. Why wont u ask me, how am i ? I was having headache the whole of last night. Yet... Hais.. shall not touched on it. Why aren't u sensitive towards me? thinking how are u able to neglect me? But the only thing i am glad about is, u called me last night, as soon as u saw my missed call. U called me, just rushing to tell me, ' i go fixed the new tv.byebye' Then why do u even call me??

Yes, i did mention, a call is more sincere than a sms. But i duno what else i want from u.. I feel so freaking lost right now. I am feeling so tensed up with our relationship. I feel so like giving up... I feel so like the rubber band is stretching and stretching...

I am happy that, that night we had a short quarrel before i board the cab. At the end, u drove over and pass me ur jacket, and drove me around. I am glad.. I am happy.. but now, i can't find back all the happiness that i had like the night before. Let's bet.. Later when u see me, u will ask and ask about whatever i had this afternoon. You will ask and ask about the plans of the stuffs. U wont give a fcuk damn about me.. I swear! and This is U!!!! UUUUUUUUU!!!! It's not something to be happy.. I just hoped and pray that all these wont happen later. please.. I must get prepared, not to be angry.. not to show attitude.. Before u start blaming me for spoiling ur day. I will always rmb u telling me that i am the worst.... (for something).. U might not know, how hurtful it is.. Cause u are not the one being said.

We might be reaching a limit soon.. Are we?? I am very very very unhappy.. But, u are always not the one that i can complaint and not the one whom will listen to me... (i thought, u shld be the one.. sadly u are not.)
No matter what it is, i will always be the one which is full of problems.. and not u...

sign out( Upset, really unhappy...)
~Please be contented..

2011-03-02T00:31:00.000+08:00

"When i need you, you are always not there for me.. But when i do not need you, you will always be there for me.." How am i feeling now? I am feeling kinda disappointed and depressed.. I feel that, i am not ready for my paper in less than 24 hours. Totally not prepared.. Currently, i need your hug and comfort.. But u are not here for me. I am feeling very restless now... Yes, studying needs alot of concentration, but i can't concentrate when u are not with me. Or even, i dun feel your presence. Maybe this is why, i will score better when i am in a relationship.

You have just started school, eventually u will be busy with ur school administration. I feel so lonely.. especially when i am studying.. I realized that i slacked alot.. I am still wondering, how am i going to face u tmr? Will i be happy, smiling at u all the while, or will i be unhappy, showing u all the attitudes u dun deserve? I am very tired.. I just hoped that i can rest in ur arms. But, it seems like u are always not available. Even having alot of negative thinkings, i still got to hold it.

I really feel like going abroad to study ( for this moment). Maybe it will be better, staying away then staying here. As usual, u will say that i am avoiding facts, or running away from them. Still, i hoped to leave. I wonder, can i?

I tried many ways on certain things, is it so hard to give the normal reaction to me? hmm... Maybe this is what love is. So complicated. Anw, time to study.. Continue another day...

Sign out( hais)

2011-03-01T11:15:00.000+08:00

It's been ages since I blog. Exams are just tmr. I dun feel the stress in the day, but when night falls, I start to have that kick. I am just kinda lazy to study. But, I am going to force myself to study, because I dun wan to be like certain people, I want to be independent, and able to take care of my family members. Was very happy at the very moment, when I received my CA marks for semester 2. Just a little update;
Business communication : A+
Business statistic : B+
Financial Accounting : A

Super happy! But was kinda disappointed with my statistic result. You were there with me, when I checked my results, yet u asked me not to nag at u. Just felt very unhappy whenever u does that. At times, I really hoped that person that allows me to nag and grumble at, when things dun go the way I wanted, things dun turn out the way I expected. It seems a little tough.

Update of relationship:
We are going on and on. Becoming more stable as the months goes by. Nothing to be worried. I have no idea why, I have been sticking to u, but to a certain extent I dun feel that good. I dun wan to say, because i dun wan u to feel that I am complaining nor asking for more. Maybe I am. Only I know. Putting feelings doing a action isn't tough, wanting to receive a reaction with feelings is very tough. I just dun receive the feelings back. Things happens just for that moment, and not forever. But I do treasure that moment. Thank u.

Sign out.. Time to head to jurong library to study!!!

2011-01-11T00:26:00.000+08:00

Everything goes back to square one again. Now, I start to realized, for the past 2years now going to the third year in June, I dun understand you. It's going to be a sad post. I thought a good beginning of 2011 will let us continue to progress further, but due to exams, projects etc we didn't had enough time for each other. Finally everything falls on this coming Saturday, yet things don't turn out my way. Explaining my believes and the way of respects to u, maybe it is going to be useless. The fact is, we think differently. Just like a nars and a venus. Let me ask you a question, a close family member birthday of ur's is more important or a promise to friends? Maybe some will choose the family birthday and some will choose a promise to friends. A answer of will see how refers that, the person did not had or firm with his own decision. He or she is still hoping that things can proceed on peacefully, no conflicts nor clashes of events. But in life, there is too much coincidence. What can you do to settle such problems?

To me, family always come first. Maybe to you, my family is not as important. This is just an assumption that I had made many times!unfortunately I am still making the same inference from the gesture, facial expressions and your tone of speaking. You can't blame me from making inference. The only thing u can blame me is, not to clarify with u.

I am feeling really down today, expected and hoping for u to cheer me up during the talk that I requested, or u never even thought of it, but it just crashed and I believed it had spoilt our day. 你每次都只会说我没心，不会去体量你，不会刻意的去记一些重要的日子，你何尝有不是？已经快三年了，为什么这样的问题还出现呢？现在是我没心呢还是你没心？

2010-12-30T02:28:00.000+08:00

I hoped for a new beginning of our lives. I hoped for a better relationship.. I hoped everything can be erased and start a new fresh. Duno why am i so emo now.. I am the one whom hurt you, yet i am the one being emo now..

no matter what, i still feel guilty..
no matter what, his smses just hurt me today
no matter what, i am still hurt and not numb.
no matter how i watch tv, and keep myself busy, everything still comes back
no matter how i want to avoid, at the end of the day i still cant run away from it.
now when i am alone, nothing to do.everything just comes back
the only thing i just feel like crying.
no longer have the mood of wearing new dress for bf to see.
no longer has that feeling of looking forward.
no longer has the feeling of my own presence.
but i only feel that i maybe losing myself soon.

time to sleep..
bye~

2010-12-04T00:42:00.000+08:00

You are never and no longer someone which is close to me as a friend any further. I feel really hurt, when i read that particular sms that you sent me. But, i believe that you wont know how huge the impact will leave in me. I believe this will soon to be an end. I am not afraid of working alone, yet such things happen... Working with a partner isit wrong? I had been working, i didnt see what is hell wrong? You have changed, neither do i. That's all i can say, it's no longer my business any more. Full stop is always a end of every sentence. (FYI: NOT ABOUT BF.)

I shall not blame the responsibility to you, afterall you did help me to find a job. Something ridiculous is this, i have been misunderstanding through out the weeks that you said i can try for the job. But, it is like that. I shall treat that i am silly.. You have changed alot gal. A big gal now. No longer that sensitive as before, so i assume i can be frank with you either. Maybe, it is really a full stop for our friendship. I really feel hurt and the pain that you leave.. I can't take such a thing. That sms just make me realized that you had grown up. I have been searching for my own jobs, and working alone in the beginning. As i know more friends, i work with my friends. I am NOT like u! And what you said!

Or i shld really say, if a friend is true and real to you, she will understand you, and she wont hurt you in a manner of like that. I have been watching my words, how i speak things to you, but i believe there isnt a need any further. It is just so ridiculous. Maybe i am too naive to think that, after Your O LVL we can finally get tgt.

I realized, there are true and real friendships : No matter how long you and ur fren didnt meet up, once u meet up, there is alot to share, alot of happiness just like before.. This is what i had learnt from today's lesson.

Maybe you still mean alot to me as a friend. That is why i am bothered with it. To you, you may not be bothered, cause i am no longer a friend to you. :)

That is all i can say, and i believe it comes to a full stop.

sign out( disappointed)
~Truly disappointed..
~Thanks bebe, to be by my side.
~Thanks for explaining things to me...
~I do hope, nothing will change, but i believe there will be changes.

2010-11-24T10:11:00.000+08:00

Went back to secondary school for a farewell party. I had fun to see all my juniors as well as some of my friends. We mentioned about clubbing last night,and in the night, I dreamt about clubbing. If I am going to compare my friends and I, I just felt that I am a little bird, that is being locked up in a cage, have no where to run, no where to go, and I do not have my own freedom. Definetly, I understand why I am being locked up, with silly curfews.but it is because of all these curfews, I am still who I am infront of my parents, and probably u. Now I do have to agree that, you will get addictive to clubbing once u enjoyed it. I am so afraid, if I dun control myself, some major things will happen. Somehow, I want my freedom. It maybe wrong to say that, but I really had enough, to rush home everyday whenever I am enjoying myself with you, and friends due to the curfew I had. Really, this is how much I envy my friends. Thinking that, similar age... I should be doing what they are experiencing. But I am not. Suddenly, I really hope that the day I get my key to freedom, I really will get my freedom.

Really want to spend a night with you whenever u are going out with your friends.
Really ... ... ... ...
Maybe I should not stop you in the past.
Sign out.

2010-11-17T01:06:00.000+08:00

I feel that, this is just the beginning of everything... My studies, relationships and maybe work? Hmm... I am happy that everything seems to be over.. I hoped that you are happy in the inner than the outer, and pretending that you are happy. It is not worth, and i know it is tough to act infront of a person that you truly love.

I had a great time with you and happy day today. We went for pool, after my class. and i received meimei's smsed asking am i alright. Somehow i feel that, and i hope that it will start to bring us close again.. :D

I wish to be a cheerful gal, yet a mindless one. Sometimes i feel that, thinking too much, isnt something good. Too much imaginations, too much silly and stupid thinkings.Feeling broke.. Isnt a good thing! Got a feeling that i am going to fall sick soon...

I am so going to practice my singing, so i can go sing again with my friends. I had so much fun with my friends singing, at least i can release and let go everything in the room. I can cry whatever/ how i cry also can! It's really a good way to release.. But, my singing is terrible.. anw its time for bed! NIGHT!

Sign out( It maybe a U-turn now)

2010-11-15T01:56:00.000+08:00

Story continues...

Nothing seems to be solved. Everything is still hanging there, yet i added pain on you, and you added mine again. It's piling.. Wondering when will everything explode. I am like what you said, taking in all the shits.. Anw, i choose to let you go for the game session you wanted, and i am getting prepared to let you go anytime. If everyone can be as sensible like you, how nice will it be. Maybe, i should not bother that much...

Nightmare is repeating.. I am worried and scared... I am kinda like a bird which had just lost its direction on how to head home. I am so lost till a certain extend when you smsed me that you are meeting your friends, i dun feel a thing. I am numbed. But, when it comes to gaming session, i am not numbed. I can feel that hurt. You are a disappointment to me, and i am your disappointment. I disappointed you so much, yet i don't mend my mistakes. You disappoint me that much, but you too, don't learn from your mistake. You said this to me " if you can't follow your promise, don't promise anything to me" Now i am going to say back to u... "IF YOU CAN'T FOLLOW AND MEAN WHATEVER YOU PROMISED, DON'T PROMISE ME!"

You are the one saying that, i dun understand you, and u dun understand me as i change. True, i really duno who you are. I duno what you are. I duno what are you thinking. I duno what you want from me! Letting you happy but me unhappy? Letting me happy and you unhappy? Okay, to be fair, i let you join your friends. I have nothing to comment. Just want you to be happy that is all... I unhappy also doesn't matter to you.
ONly can blame, why do i love you so much... Swollen gold fish eyes for a few days.. I am unhappy... I thought you all will go talk and dinner. But i am so wrong.. Trying to relax, but i can't...

sign out( ....)
~I can trust you... (can i?)
~Just want to say things to you which are so ****ed up!
~While showering, i thought that the flower will overcome the thunder storm soon, but it seems like i am so wrong...
~Having a goodnight sleep will be the thing which i need it now...
~I dun wan all the nightmares... I just want a peaceful night...

2010-11-13T12:28:00.001+08:00

Whenever I thought that we are getting better, and finally i feel your presence whenever u are with me, actually I am wrong. From what you say, I am just a girl who needs someone to satisfy my needs such as being there for me whenever I need it. Maybe it is true. I finally feel the happiness, but you just crashed everything within a night. I no longer understand what is happiness. Just for example, Yst night. We met up and went for pool, I no longer have the happy feeling of meeting u. As the night continues, I realized that I had been showing you attitude, but you didn't react, and not to show your unhappiness. Is that what you really are? The whole night been listening to your unhappiness, but I didn't talked about mine. I was thinking of listening to whatever you got to say, therefore make changes. For mine, I decided to forget everything before the sun rise.

Setting a time frame in a relationship maybe a good thing. Because, this will save all your time and many efforts from wasting on the person you are with. The time frame was set (2years) and we had crossed the time frame. What does that mean? Are we continuing and not breaking cause of all these unhappiness? Are we standing strong and firm together?(this is just a example) I feel that, relationship can be associated to planting of plants.

For example, a flower. From a seed to a beautiful flower is not easy. Imagine, there is no water and sunlight, the flower will die. This actually refers to communication and trust for a relationship. You also need to have the patience in order for the flower to grow. At times, there will also be thunderstorm and heavy rains, can your flower successfully overcome the strong wind and heavy rain, it purely depends on how strong it is. Whenever u quarrel and argue with ur partner, is your relationship strong enough for not breaking up? At the point of blooming, it is the time where you settle down, get married and have a family. It is not hard to find a partner, but it is hard to find the right one. So ask urself, for those who are in a relationship,have you found the right one? For those who are single, take your time to find the right one. 不要一口咬定他就是你的 Mr or Ms Right.

Sign out(emoing)
~have I found my mr right?
~ whenever I see your face, it remind me of how to hurt me.
~ the things you said and defender for someone that...
~ I even dream about it, though I didn't see the person before.
~ it really hurts..

2010-11-12T01:29:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... a slight report on my life now: It's pretty fine, as i am trying to cope with my DMS, assignments and the upcoming exams. STRESS!!! haha, i failed my ftt! now got to wait till next year jan to take it.. The experience of driving on road was so fun and cool! I am loving it man! hahaha!.

I am kinda upset with the words you said these days. I am pondering, is it because you feel that u are being accepted, thus u can say things without watching your words? There are some words i felt really offended, and it really hurts. Been busy with my assignments, and i hoped that you wont feel neglected, but understand that i cannot balance both things at ago. I feel upset hearing certain things, but i am confused with my myself. Half of me, tell me to trust your words and not think too much, but the other half is telling me to think. I always tries to push the negative side of me, at a certain time, it does work. But, today it didn't. It is not that easy. I tried not to give you attitude, but i can't control. Or maybe i can. You all may think that i am finding excuses, believe it or not, i am not!.

Thinking of how to carry on, really, a little unhappy can actually occupy all the happiness memory. This isnt a way that i want to live. I want to be a happy and cheerful Patricia. Not the one that i have to put a mask infront of others. My bebe bought me a ducky, it looks like the key chain that i had before, and i do love it alot.. It's my another friend that i can talk to. I really want everything to move smoothly, let all the unhappiness to be aside till after my exams? Will you just go away.. Currently i am waiting for a post to come, therefore i will understand better, and i do hoped to grow up more! GROW UP!!! hais...

I am always to be blamed, cause i am not mature and sensible enough, but i am too sensitive. Please someone help me.. :((( I want all these to go away! its torturing!!! I want to be mature and sensible enough for you, but i suppose i am not. anw, i am looking forward to play badminton tmr.. It will be the time and place where i will be able to vent my anger.

Goodnight to world~

sign out(Moody~~)

2010-10-07T00:34:00.001+08:00

Had my school.. I had fun with my cliques.. :D haha. I finally had a group in all the modules. and i am really happy about it.

Today (071010): It's my baby brother's birthday! YEAH! haha!.. He is finally 2 years old! :D big boy le.. Had a hard time thinking of wad to buy for him. Bebe was giving me all the ideas etc.. But none are usable?! haha. lol..

Going to Jurong Bird Park later at about 830am.. :D Just to spend time with mummy and baby.. I really do hope that he can turn up. But he just rejected it. :( What can i do? I kept on asking and asking, but i just got the same reply. He said he is not a bird person. =.=" LOL!

Initial plan: After school, will go and play badminton with him and his frens. Unfortunately, i didnt manage to book any courts. So i thought everything shld end. I was wondering, since everything did goes as what i had planned, why not let's stay at home and celebrate my baby brother's birthday tgt? i didnt tell him my back up plan, but i asked him so are we still meeting ur frens? He said yes, and sent me a sms on cancelling the badminton and lets go lan? I thought he sent wrong sms, but he didnt. I was unhappy (only now when i think back)lol! I told him, okay? will go, but i got to return home as early as 930pm. He actually said, 'U end school at 630pm, reach orchard already 730pm.' Hais... What can i do? Are u that unhappy about it?!

I told him, its my brother's birthday, den he was like ORHH! LOL!. What can i do? I told him, if not u go meet ur frens, and i will go home just to celebrate my brother's birthday. He said, 'nvm i will go down to ur house to celebrate tgt.' (Tone: Sleepy, sian) Guess what? I actually said NVM! u go with ur frens. its okay.
OMG! When did i become so GOOD!~ =.=" He repeated again, and i repeated mine. But i just kept on asking him to go bird park with me tmr. At least u dun attend the night, u attend the day! HAIS! But, he is not going to attend both! haha! how silly i am! Now i just made myself feeling terrible!

Holding tears and telling a lie to him that i am okay, and doing my essay on the phone is tough! And i am typing these while i am talking to him.. I do hoped he believes about what i said on the phone. The only thing i can say is, i am disappointed and 'I am sorry for lying to u.' Feeling really unhappy. Want to plan a badminton day also so tough! Want you to join my family event more willing is also tough! I be nice, be good, allow u and try not to be selfish, made me feel so terrible... hais.. I dun wish to see u anymore on the 071001. (sorry to say this..)

I hope that the day will pass faster... sooner... It is suppose to be a happy day, but due to personal selfishness, made me spoil my own day...

That's it...
Sign out
~It's a natural reaction...
~想要大大方方的让你去，我很辛苦。
~感觉是第一，真确的做法是其次。
~我是真的很不开心。
~我真的觉得，我很蠢！

2010-10-04T00:43:00.001+08:00

Had my hair cut and nails done! :D I am so happy with it.. Today is also my bebe's last day of work.. But something terrible is going to happen which is i am starting school in less than 24 hours. My class starts at 3:30pm to 6:30pm. The time not three not four.. So weird.. haha but i can be with my friends from CEL. so its better. :D

My life is better now, that day i had a fright from bebe, he said he wanted to tell me something. I thought was something bad, but he said 'I LOVE U'.. :D He made me cry like nuts and nobody business. LOL!. i was so afraid that his parents will come in and ask what happen. haha! :P

I am so going to miss my bebe! Hais, today went for tuition, teacher scolded me that my work is getting bad to worst. I felt so bad, but at least it kicked me! Now i do have the motivation to study! :D YEAH! THANKS! Hopefully everything will be fine between my bebe and i.

I can't wait for school to start tmr! :D heehee! new chapter of my life! As in a new beginning of a new course.. Diploma in Management studies! :P Finally i have reached the stage of Diploma.! :D so happy!...

Sign out
~Ready for school tmr..
~My lecture notes are so heavy! ~~~
~First lesson of the day : Managing People and Organization
~Here i come!

2010-10-02T02:38:00.000+08:00

It is just a day difference and we ended the called due to bad reception and full of disappointments. Whatever i said on the phone, it's hurting to you, but its the facts. I am doing these for you. Really sorry to ruin your whole day by ending like that. I ask cause u will want to know, i said things which i am not suppose to say, cause i am honest with myself. You want someone to be honest with themselves and someone u can debate and someone can influence you, i am sorry, i am no longer that type of person.

If i really were to start it, will it be a good ending?Will i succeed? It is still a question to me, I am not a risk taker.. Cause i dun take risk. I always do things with 100% sure. but to this issue i am not even 50% sure that i will succeed. Sorry, my negative thinkings outgrown your positive thinkings. It hurts when you say, u feel stupid when u are with me. It hurts when you say that i disappoint you, again and again. When will all these stops? When will i stop making you feel stupid? When will i stop disappointing u? --> Being someone you want me to be? I obey and listen to your advice, and i did wad u told me to, yet being frank also disappoint u? It leaves a ? in me.

I am born to be a loser and a failure. I can lose everything at once, and i can fail everything in a roll. If i were to start it, i may lose you. (this time the silly excuse doesnt work.) I will feel heart pain. If it does succeed, it will benefit us in the future? But ur respond was very slim and u said it will benefit. what you mean? I am working towards that day, but i always fails, and this prove that i am a loser. I born to lose, and i hate to lose. Just by playing a game of pool, we can quarrel. Cause i gave him attitude whenever he wins. lol. yes i do, and i am such a person, cause he wants me to win with my ability. so he won't lose to me. lol. =.="

I want to take back all my words, but do u think it is possible? I have many thoughts in me, but how much do you understand? It is the same question from you to me. How much do i understand about u, in the past 2 years? I am always in the fault, i am always wrong, i am always the loser and the failure. How can u encourage me? By praising me and not provoking me? Not saying the facts which are cruel? Not saying me that i worth nothing? It just aches whenever such things happens.

I am prepared to read ur's.

sign out(TIME OUT!)
~It's time to sleep, but i can't.
~It's time for everything to be clear, but i duno where to start with..
~It's time for everything to be settled, but i duno how i can...
~It's time i should end things fast, but i duno what i should end...
~It's time we should think about it, but do you think we can?

2010-09-30T01:05:00.000+08:00

We are still on going! Today had a very big fight in the morning.. Due to some stupid FLY! lol.. Sitting near to the back of the bus, and this particular 1 fly flying around, with its long sting! LOL!. We are kinda afraid and we moved seats. When i am finally settled down and calm, the fly landed on my bag! its like, directly infront of me?! lol! I was shocked and i jumped. I actually pat him very hard as i was afraid, yet he just pushes it back to me.. =.=" After awhile, the fly flew back to me again! =.=" I JUMPED! (as usual) He stared at me with a f***ing face and asked me to change seats again. I said i dun wan, and it doesnt go his way, he gave me that attitude again. >.<" Last time the fly FLEW BACK AGAIN! F***! He stared and asked me to change seats! I got furious, i walked all the way down to the standing area to stand. I am freaking angry! You are a man! Why can't you do something to help me?! You are not bothered by it, but i am! It's flying to me! wtf?

As we dropped off the bus, we started quarrelling on the street. lol!? Stupid, i never done that before. Literally, we were shouting! He turned and walked. FINE! duno wad to say as well.. We had our argument till after i return my uniform and after we finished eating.. lol.. its long! I know that he is angry, especially the attitude when he is ordering food, he shouted! It's about a few metres away from our table, i could hear him ordering.. lol!.

Luckily, everything ended well now. We did some soul search, and it's rather stupid when u think it back. I am just finding excuses from wanting a reaction from him. I just want him to protect me, but thinking back, hais... duno la! went to illuma, wanted to buy KOI! But the queue is freaking long! like OMG! haha.. we went to catch toys again, and i actually force myself not to be tempted by the fishing game.. and we hurried left illuma. This week, i spent alot!. Like poof! my money is gone! my whole week allowance is gone! lol.. Now, i am short of cash again.. hais!... I really hope someone can give me a few hundreds.. at least i can save up.. LOL! I know i must be day dreaming! lol!

I am starting school soon! which is next week!!! I will have very little time to meet my silly boy.. hmm.. what can be done??

sign out (I want money!)
(I want to work for my money! )
(Wish that money can drop from the sky!) lol!

2010-09-20T01:01:00.000+08:00

After posting a post, i totally have no mood to go for work.. I am like exploding things out but not solving things. I never thought of, what if he is reading my post, what will happen? I didn't thought of the consequences. But, i decided not to remove my post, until he remove his..

Today work was alright, at least i know more part timers now.. I am still the youngest, but i do enjoy this work. haha!. After i end work, bebe came over to pick me up. I was happy, but at the same time i wonder how will he react when he read my post. But, i just heck care, and be happy infront of him. The true happiness was during the journey back home, we camwore, and that is the happiest thing that had happen.

I am waiting for him to comment on his facebook, where i posted a shoutout. I am waiting... But, till now i still dun get any respond.. It's kinda sad and unhappy.. Other gals can comment and he reply, whereas for his gf, like wtf? he dun even bother to? lol. i am not him, i will not noe. hais~... wad so ever.

Tues going to put thick make up for work! :D haha.. its a must to put on make up now.. so sad.. and i hate putting on make up, cause i duno a single thing about it... lol.. haha..

Tired, going to sleep soon... hais, i just hoped everything turns out well as the days goes by.. Worrying each day, but pretending that i am not worrying.. Do u understand..? I am still feeling angry to a certain extend..

OMG!

2010-09-13T23:50:00.000+08:00

OMG OMG OMG!!!! I PASSED MY EOC!
Reading: 87.5%
Writing: 65.55% :(
Listening: 90.0%
Speaking: 80.0%
Total: 78.24% (PASSED)

yeah yeah! i am so happy! While i was working, i received a call from deng hang saying that the results are out! On the spot, i hurried took out my phone and start surfing the net, trying to load for the school's homepage and see my results! OMG! i feel so scared and worried when it is loading, my heart almost jump out! When i see the results, i literally jumped up! I was so happy that i do not know how to control myself. The first person i called is bebe, i lied to him that i failed.. In the end i didnt get wad i wanted. but it's okay! I expected his reaction to be that way. Followed by calling dad and mum.. Friends to ask about who didnt make it. I do feel sad for those whom didnt make it, but its my friend for about 2months.

Happy for those who pass, Sad for those who failed, but no matter we pass or fail, we are still frens! :D Still can hang out tgt!!! :) I really wish to hang out with my old classmates (5A) again.. hais.. but i realize that the gap is getting bigger and bigger. how??

Went Marina square after work! Bought my pink clothes, i am going to wear it tmr! :) PINKY! haha.. I can't wait to see my new phone case to be deliver, and my online purchase of clothings.. Can't wait! :) It's so going to be a bright new day for me! cause today my lappy suddenly working well!!! haha! and i did well for my exams! :D

sign out(HAPPY!)
~Working tmr at 930am!! OMG!
~HAPPY AND BRIGHT NEW DAYS AHEAD!!!
~JIAYOU!

Everything seem so sudden...

2010-09-08T23:04:00.000+08:00

Everything seem so sudden.. Early morning got the news from bebe. I was shocked.. I hurried pack my things and tried to rush for the bus, unfortunately i missed it. I waited for about 20mins for the next bus 14 to arrive. In my heart i was praying that you will be alright. When i see my bebe worried... I felt unsafe too. I have no idea what i can do to help you all feel better. Just hoped that everything will be fine.

Results not out for the moment. I am so nervous upon receiving my results. Tmr i will be working as well... So i was thinking of, how can i concentrate my work while waiting for my results, and most importantly is you. Your updates. Just feel helpless when i know that you tear.. It doesn't matter whether are you picking me up after work tmr, as i know there are things which are more important waiting for you.

Just hoped that everything will turn out well tmr... I really do hope for that... hais~~...

Sign out(Pray~~)

Finally my course ends~~ New life began...

2010-09-06T14:03:00.004+08:00

4 Girls outside Universal Studio

My cliques in class...

The 3 MEN! haha!

Yum Yum!

Us at Merlion!

Us at Butter Factory!

Finally my course ends~ New life began... Been living in hardworking world for the past 2 months. Been studying every night except for Saturday night. haha. I am glad to know many more friends from SIM (CEL) they are the ones whom i work together with for the past 2 months, i am really glad to know all of u...

My EOC partner: Sekkhay! haha!... Thanks for the hard work and the time to work with me for our speaking.. really do hope we can score well! :D

CEL cliques: Cynthia, Miko, Nicole, Wirya, Deng Hang, Sekkhay: Thanks for being there for me! I have fun together with u guys throughout.. We have our laughter and we have our moodswings.. Though its just the short 2 months, i do hoped that our friendships will still continue on...

Others: Thanks for being such a wonderful class! haha! trying to participate in all the outings that i organized etc.. haha! thanks for putting that kinda effort into participating. Really do hope that, though we are not as close as the others, but i do hope that we will continue to contact each another, and hang out with one another! :D

Clubbing at Supperclub with you guys was great! haha! Thanks alot!!! Ice-skating with u guys was awesome! Sentosa with u guys was great! haha!!

Personal life now: Aiming to save money for my camera, and oversea trip! :P i want to go overseas with my bebe again.. He said, our next pit stop is sentosa.. it may sound funny, but frankly, some places in Singapore, i have not been to. haha! Saving money is something difficult for me! hahaha!

Now i need to start studying for my upcoming O levels! haha! Homework from tutor is piling up, yet i dun feel like doing... :P hahaha! Recently, i went butter factory with my bebe and his friends... Non of my CEL friends can make it.. sad.. :( if not it will be a very wonderful day! haha!. But overall, i enjoyed that day of clubbing.. really, especially with my bebe..

Clubbing with my bebe and friends is very different. But i enjoyed both.. haha... Having bebe around will make me feel safe... Having friends around though make me feel unsafe, but i can see what my friends are like when they are in the dark.. :P If there is a chance, i hope that my friends and bebe's friends will be able to go to the same club and play! haha. It will be nicer.. i suppose. haha. Some pictures to upload later! haha! sentosa, and my clubbing night with bebe!

2010-07-16T01:12:00.001+08:00

All my posts and stories are actually 1 day early. lol!. nvm.. Feeling unhappy again.. Multi-tasking isnt wad i like.. Always think that, talking to you is something relaxing, now i realize it isn't. I feel the stress , whenever i am talking to you. Especially when we talks about moving house.. I feel the stress that you are giving me, even you didn't notice. I am even lazy to aruge with you. Feeling lonely inside, feel like crying everything out... Trying pretending that nothing has happen.. it's really tough... argh.... Trying not to complain much, trying not to pin point u! But it's just so freaking tough! anyone understand how i am feeling right now? I can't really take it anymore... It's hanging there been days, and it is a new record in my life.

I wonder did he read? Or he did read it, just pretending nothing had happen.? I wonder... Somehow i hoped that he don't read it, he dun check it. At least he won't know so much... Life is just going to be miserable for the both of us... Tearing daily isn't something good, tearing daily isn't something healthy. I have no idea, why am i tearing everyday...

Crying in a corner of my own, is something i always do.. Crying alone is something i used to do... Crying out loud with listener is something that you had taught me to. I realize, i can't cry alone... i can;t cry in a corner of my space.. I just hopes that there is a shoulder to lend me right now... But the shoulder don't appear.

I am sorry to make you feel that i don't appreciate what you did for me.. I am sorry to sound restless and moodless on the phone.. I seriously have no mood and energy to talk to you everyday after crying badly and i got to act that nothing happen in front of you. I lost the confidence or i should say i never have the confidence in myself...

SIgn out(It's time i let go certain things.. )
~It's time for me to do my work.
~I have an essay more to go...
~I am really unhappy, confused, irritated, and upset...
~Feeling stressful, yet i just hope that you can really be with me when i need you...
~I am just a emotional girl, pls dun come near me... I will just influence u..

2010-07-15T01:39:00.000+08:00

Today school was as per normal. Nothing is wrong. Was feeling kinda moody the whole of today. Trying to keep myself happy and cheerful. I feel that i am the joke of today. Putting on a face through out school is something that i have done today. Was unhappy since yst. You should know what i mean. It lasted me the whole day, i don't even feel like talking. yet i got to be happy. lol. It sounds ridiculous. lol. Knowing that you can't be there for me on Sunday was something which really upset me the most. Just wondering can you...yet your answer was 'lady boss is traveling, i can't take leave.'

I got to be reasonable. yeah, i got to.. I just really can't accept the fact that you are always not around, by my side when i need you. Daddy asked me twice, to ask you to help us move house. Seems like he don't understand that you are working. Daddy said, 'Then, Sunday will move our's stuff and your's will leave it till monday, ask bronson to help u.' How will you feel when you are in my shoes? You can't make it, yet you told me that you can help me by finding friends to come help me. I should not be so stupid to continue asking. It's just hurting me. Trying to let go..

Learning to let go isn't something easy. The day of mine is torturing. I felt the freedom that i am giving you, and i felt the freedom that you are giving me. At times, i really hoped that you could just tie me down. I am not used to the feeling of being drifting around my own world. Realized that these days, we always quarrel for some stupid reasons.. I decided to keep quiet because i am already struggling with my school work, i don't want to struggle in our relationship. I feel stressed in school. I feel that i am really a very slow learner. I don't understand what my teacher was teaching for today. During the small breaks, the teacher has to come to me personally to coach and explain things to me.. I feel so...... No comments..

Reach home, rest by tv-ing. You were in school.. The only time where we get to hear each others voice is at 12am. At times, i can't help myself from thinking of you. I just occupied myself with all my homework. Moving house is another problem. Limited amount of money to get the things that i need, it's really something very headache about. Lazy to pack my stuff. Whenever i reach home, i just want to rest myself on the bed.

Teacher taught me something, go with my instincts. By i realize this isn't a way. hais... Just full of worried.. really...

It takes two hands to clap..
Sign out(Worried, afraid..)

2010-07-12T23:33:00.001+08:00

Monday Blues?? haha! This monday is not consider as one! haha. I was super in mood and super high in class.. Guess its the joker of my side? LOL!. Many homework today! Spelling was tough! hais.. but lucky it is not counted in any of the marks. =) Had lots of fun in class though i spend half of my night watching soccer. haha.

Slept awhile in the class(less than 10mins)! It's better then nothing. Waited for Bebe to reach SIM, its good for me to train my patience. But i guess i am hopeless! Had a small argument on why am i wearing ankle guard!? LOL!. The usual me, showing attitude.. When on the bus there he goes to be his KING! LOL!. haha! but i am truly sorry.

Went home and changed into sports attire! Went to the fitness area and did warm ups.. lol! and there we go! Running from my house to CLEMENTI! OMG! its a freaking long distance!Weak me! Run abit also leg wobbly! haha!.. lol.. Went to see bebe eat his dinner, and after that we went to arcade! haha.. Playing some kiddy game.. but its fun! .. lol! =.=" Went home after buying my mac fries! haha! so happy! =) And now i realize i have not had my dinner! LOL! OMG! haha!.. Time for homework, time for dinner! LOL! =.=" Nights~~

I have finally finished! haha!

sign out( Love u...)

2010-07-12T01:49:00.001+08:00

It's a lonely day. I slept for almost half the day. Woke up at 2pm. By the time u're already at work. I have no one to SMS,except short smses to Hannah. Been very unhappy for the whole of today. Going to ikea with parents is a mistake. Qurrel with dad, followed by my brother. I really dislike, if u hand me the job of designing my room, pls trust my designs, and measurements! I got freaking pissed and I cried! What is wrong with me today!? Talked to Gwen and Joel on msn, I was so pissed. And I am really sorry about it my friends.

You got home etc.. I didn't plan to sleep that early. Planning to watch the world cup finals! Yet you "forced" me to sleep by ending the call early. I didn't get the chance to SMS u much today. The whole of today! I was sleeping and qurrelling? Lol! The best time I thought was really the time that I spend talking to you. Though in the beginning I am trying to complete MCA presentation. Or maybe I am just too selfish. I am really feeling very down right now! The only way to communicate with u, ends up like this. Tearing bit by bit. Who will understand me? Who understands how I am feeling now!? Answer is no one!

Supposingly a happy relationship, is messed up by me! I had this thought, I am not suitable to be in a relationship. I actually thought of breaking my promise to you. I feel so wrong! I set a trap for myself? I am not sure.. Imaginations is running around.. I can't stop it. I hate my brain! I am thinking and thinking! Imagination runs wild! Hell up!

Sign out(sleeping)

2010-07-11T01:16:00.001+08:00

I took this story from his blog. I love this short story, and decided to share with you. Hope u guys will like it. ^^

The Salty Coffee

Wednesday, October 10th, 2007 by Bronson

He met her on a party; she was so outstanding, had many guys chasing after her, while he was so normal, nobody paid attention to him. At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised, but due to politeness, she promised. They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please, let me back home. Suddenly he asked the waiter: would you please give me some salt? I’d like to put it in my coffee.
Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but, still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it. She asked him curiously: why you have this hobby? He replied: when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I like playing in the sea, I could felt the taste of the sea, salty and bite, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I will think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who still living there. Saying that, tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched. That’s his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart.
"A man who can tell out his homesick, he must be a man loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home," she thought. Then she also started to talk, talked about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family. That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story. They continue to date. She found actually he was a man who meets all her demands: he was tolerance, kind hearted, warm, careful…he was such a good guy but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee!
Then the story was just like every beautiful love story: the princess married to the prince, then they were living the happy life…And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that’s the way he liked.
After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: "My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said to you, the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt. It’s hard for me to change so I just go ahead. I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything.. Now I’m dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: I don’t like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste.. but I have the salty coffee for my whole life since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life.
If I can live for the second time, I still want to know you and have you as my whole life wife, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again."
Her tears made the letter totally wet. Someday, someone asked her: What’s the taste of salty coffee?
It’s sweet. She replied.

STICKY WITH BEBE!

2010-07-11T00:57:00.004+08:00

STICKY WITH BEBE!

A day out, once a week...

It's really something very tough for me.

I am just so used to be with you EVERY single day.

Finally it comes to Saturday, and soon to be my favorite day! Reason is very simple, it is the only day that i am able to meet my BEBE! The one and only full day... If not it will be on Monday.

Today i went to catch a movie (Predators) at Tiong, followed by going to the arcade to play a very silly game (Animal Kaiser), followed by Clark Quay for STICKY and finally back to his home.

Looking at the way he play the game was something great. You will never know how childish a guy is just by looking at his outer look. You may look mature, but i know that you are a kid in the inside. I really love to sit at a corner looking at the guy i love doing things. At times (if u are observant) you will get to see certain moments of facial expression from the person's face. I just enjoys it.

STICKY! Thanks for the recommendation from Hannah. Looking at the crew making the sweets, it's something amazing! haha! I never seen such things before. One day should bring my friends to see it! ^^ The sweet is tasty! I bought 2 packets and it cost me $10.60. haha! I bought one with a design of 'I Love You.' A pity thing is, my bebe don't appreciate it. Because, he doesn't like the sweet. SAD~

Back home: We watch a movie (The Sweetest Thing). It's a very funny movie, but i do love it. haha! At least it is not something very scary! haha.

I am really afraid that i will fall for you even more. (touch wood) when the day comes to an end, i will be hurt badly.. Both me and you are having a distance. I am a very emotional person, when it comes to such things, i am the best in it. I starting to worry, starting to shake...

sign out(happy moment in a happy day.. )

My life~~

2010-07-11T00:55:00.000+08:00

I started school on 1July 2010. I had fun in school, though it is getting boring. I made many new friends and that is something i love most in school.. HAHA! I am the youngest in my class! OMG! i was thinking that i might be the oldest in the class, yet i am the youngest. haha!. I have not get the chance to take pictures with any of my new friends, though i love to take pictures. I am kinda shy to take picture with them. haha, thanks for calling me and explain things to me. I appreciate it. At least i know that you still care for me. My MCA is coming. MCA = Mid Course Assignment. I got a weird question, and i seriously clueless on how to do it, by putting inside the powerpoint slides.

I had many embarrassing experience with my new classmates or rather myself. Haha. Just by talking about the first day of school, i went into the wrong lift. I went into the lift that goes up to certain levels only, but it just doesn't goes to the level of my classroom. I felt so embarrassed! The day where i collect my student pass. I didn't know that i am already on the 2nd level, yet i pressed the lift and pressed storey 2. The door actually open! I was so embarrassed till i said 'oops , sorry!' I walked out of the lift. I believe people inside the lift will be laughing at me. In class, many embarrassed things happen till i actually lost count! haha! but anw, i really did had fun with all my classmates.

At least i can admit that my english is really very poor. The teacher got to come to me and explain things to me. I will eventually stare blankly at the teacher. But my teacher is really patient and good. haha. Only thing that i will complain is the HOMEWORK! I have alot alot of homework. haha! I know it's good for me, and i won't say hack care or dun do like before. I will attempt every single questions. I really did revisions for every single night after class at home, just to make sure i understand and remembers the things that i learnt in school.

Friends are great... ^^

Sign out~~
~I am happy with what i have now! =)

2010-06-27T02:04:00.000+08:00

LET ME VENT OUT MY ANGER BEFORE I POST MY DAILY LIFE!
List of things i am prepared to do...
27June:

1) Self-bake a birthday cake for u.
2) Appear at ur house door by 2355.
3) Give u a call!
4) 12am! Surprise happy birthday!

28June:

1) Market in the morning @ 7am.
2) Be home by 9am to cook breakfast for U!
3) Pack and send it over to u by 12pm.
4) Head off to where-ever u planned.

I feel so angry! Why must ur frens always spend the 12am with u! Every year of my wishes was to spend the midnight with u! Especially for My birthday, Our Anniversary, Your Birthday! Is it so hard?! U said cannot be other nights to meet ur frens except tmr. Alright! You cant change the things, I change it! As u say, i cant accept the fact that things is not going my way! OKAY! I change!!!! I try to think of ways to go with u. I try to think of ways to reply u, i try alot of things! But i got very frustrated! I talked to daddy nicely to please him, to asked him, but he rejected my request of staying out late (just to celebrate ur birthday with u and ur frens).

Yes, frankly speaking i do mind when we are going out, ur frens are tagging along. From your actions, i believe i got to change to be more open. I dont understand why? To u, anniversary is just a day where we got tgt. Birthday is just a normal day. To me, its not! My birthday, Our Anniversary, Your Birthday is very important to me! I want to make it special for u! PLanning all these, adding on my curfews give me headaches! Really a big headache!...

Maybe i shall mind my own business. Tmr dun meet u, but go clubbing/drinking/dancing??? NO! cause this isnt wad i want from u... I thought, every year of ur birthday i shld make it special for u. I have a ability to, and to me, every birthday of ur's will be a different surprises.. I know that this relationship is getting bored, is getting tiring...

I always believe it takes two hands to clap. I thought, u dun like to be the one initiating it, alright, i will do it. but i dun see why, i always plan things, i got to plan a back up plan too. WHenever we plan things, will never use the actual plan, but the back up plan. I dont like to plan things, yet, whenever i plan things, IT ALWAYS GOT CLASHES!
HAIS!

PLEASE! IN THE FUTURE STOP ASKING ME TO PLAN THINGS!!!! I GIVE UP IN PLANNING!!! SO MANY FCUKING AND IRRITATING THINGS!!!! I WILL STOP GIVING U SURPRISES! CAUSE I KNOW IS USELESS!!! IF THIS RELATIONSHIP IS GOING DOWN THE HILL, I WONT BOTHER TO DO ANYTHING! CAUSE IT'S JUST SO USELESS AND FCUKING STUPID, WHERE YOU DUN EVEN APPRECIATE MY EFFORT OF CHANGING THINGS!!!!!

sign out( I am angry... crying my hearts out! )
~ I thought u are a minority ppl.
~I thought u understand me alot...
~I thought u felt the change in my ways of thinking and doing..
~I guess i am wrong...
~I don't trust you and ur frens, and u dun trust me as well!
~So why can't my birthday wish come true..
~All my hard work and efforts are gone just by me being HONEST!
~FCUK OFF! I WISH TO BE ALONE...
~GIVE ME TIME TO COOL.. I REALLY NEED IT!

2010-06-09T22:48:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF! =)

2010-05-28T00:34:00.000+08:00

First i would like to wish JOEL LEE HAPPY BIRTHDAY! =) haha.. Old liao lor..!

Second: I felt really down these days when you are studying for exams. When you are serious down with your work. I know i shld allow you to study instead of playing everyday. I did that. I kept many things from you these days, reason behind it was i dun wan u to get affected by it. It's just all my bad habits.. It's just all my fault again. I am feeling real tired.. I can still rmb that day i argue with u just before ur paper.. stating why u did care for me. Hais.. I realize if you really have the time to spend with me, i just want you to be just with me. When you have the time to talk to me, just u talking to me. I may meet u almost everyday, the things i say to u is not serious... The things that i said thru a non-living thing, will be something serious that i really want and need u to be here with me. I cant lose attentions..

Yst @ working place, early morning got attitude from dad. the next thing comes is actually my working fren showed me a fking attitude, and lastly followed by u. wtf? Dad scolded me for nothing... She Showed me a fking face just because my thinking was different from her. You? arguements... what are all these? It just spoilt my whole day.. It could be a wonderful day for me, yet all of you destroyed..

Today @ work: Ate many junk food as usual, but i ate alot of vege today. I hurt my knee, i got scratches.. I bite my tongue and bite my lips.. now my tongue has a cut and my a portion of my lip is swollen.. so nice.. what is next?? I am falling sick again... Feeling so uncomfortable with slight flu.. If ur ippt test is not coming, i wont want to go jogging tmr. cause i know, i am not at the suitable state to run. but its alright. die then die lah! I am getting fatter... I have yet to complete Ms Mano's homework. hais.. so many things to do.. really dun feel like going out tmr.

I am just a useless person. Not understanding enough, Not reasonable enough. Everything are like shit! I am only capable in MESSYING UP THINGS! as you said.. hais.. Night everyone!

sign out (Unhappiness is building...)

2010-05-24T11:59:00.001+08:00

Had a great day yst working with gwen and ks @ OUB centre (Raffles place). Witnessing a proposal done by Jo's bf to her. The big bunch of roses containing 99 pink roses. Just really envy people. It's my first time witnessing a proposal, and able to see the big bunch of roses. Its just so huge! But it's very pretty!~.. Awww..~~ SO SWEET! haha!.. The day was tiring.. Working from 7am to 6pm. Breakfast was like mac. Lunch is like duck rice!? hais! The duck bone had cut my mouth.. Now its painful. Really painful. Getting many goodie bags! haha! so happy!.. Able to see a actor.. Zhu Hou Ren. =) haha.. manage to take a picture with him too.. So happy..

THere is something very scary coming up!.. OMG! to be is terrible!... I approached this guy for sampling our product (YOGOOD) he just kept eating and eating.. He talked alot to me, and asked me alot of things. Especially when i asked him, ' Do you have a facebook account? We have this YOGOOD fan , just to click like; you will be able to obtain a small goodie bag from us!' He answered me, 'then do u have a facebook?' lol! wtf?! i am promoting my brand and you are talking about me. HE REALLY DID REQUEST TO BE ONE OF MY FRIEND IN FB! lol!? WTF?! He also said ' I scared you look at my picture you will like it.' lol? WTF?! Feel like scolding him ' SIR! I have a boyfriend already, who cares how you look like, and what is your display picture?' LOL! I Print screen the friend request with some words he typed.. lol!

Does guys also feel happy when someone praise him to be younger than his age??? lol! NUTS MAN!

2 weeks later i am getting my pay! =) I dun mind working for such event again.. haha! It's very fun. The aunties that i am working with is very cool and fun too! Very humorous! haha! Really did enjoy the day.

NEXT UP! WoW! haha, I didnt expect myself to be so patience upon waiting for a person. Haha.. No further comments.. Just want to say, i made it. Though i am tired, yet i still can smile and be cheerful in front of that person. =)

Sign out(Tired~~)
~I want to sleep!! TIRED!
~HAPPY! =)
~♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

2010-05-16T12:39:00.000+08:00

Yst, i had so much fun having tuition with Ms Mano. My very first lesson with her. They way she teaches me is so different from other teachers. I am glad, i got her as my 'tutor'. At last i feel that my english is not hopeless.. There is still some hope and changes to be made with my English. I am happy for that..

The continue post, won't be a HAPPY post either. Trying to be happy infront of you, been days. I have no idea how i can describe my feelings to you. Finally i understand somethings. Soon, everything in me is going haywire. Including relationship. I do not have any more confidence. I finally understand how i can describe my words to you. In a longer manner.

Let's talk about CATS: There are myths about cats, such as

When a coffin is there, people will not allow BLACK cats to jump over as the leaving soul will become a zombie. Do you believe?

Black cats with shiny eyes consist of 'ghost' inside. Do you believe?

There are many believes.. But which one do you believe? Different people believe in different things. Such as cats, Cat family have different types too. Example, Tiger, Lions, Leopards, Cheetahs etc.

This tells us that, even every one looks the same, but there is different types of human being. Referring to the reality: In a relationship, one can be a Lion (The King of Jungle) another one can be a Tiger (The softer type). Every day there will be different types 'fights' issues, even over a very small thing. Such examples are so common in the world. But who can actually solve all these? Not the third person, not anyone, but me and you.

I learnt that, cats are playful, naughty, we can link cats with thief. They tends to betray your trust. Will you still believe in them?

Do all people like the feeling being loved? Or the initial feelings when you found a partner? As a blog stated, the feeling tends to fade. Some tries to create that initial feelings, some will accept one another for the fact of who they are. In fact, what can we do? Accepting someone into your life is not as easy as you think. Honestly, you think that you have accepted your partner, the fact is you have not. Having disappointment, the things i learn that meant for you, it seems like bull-shits!.

I always look forward on reading certain blogs, but they left the blogs blank. Upon waiting, i discovered alot of tiny little secrets. From my personal opinion, If you are tired, really unhappy in a relationship, i will persuade you to give that particular relationship up. Just a 'Break up' it's easier for you to recover before the time drags. I just feel that, if you think that the person is not the one you are looking for, no point carrying on. Both you and your partner will have difficulties. The more you two 'fights' the more tired the both of you are. What for? Do you think is worth the try? Do you think its worth your time and effort when you knew that this relationship won't last?

If you still think that the both of you and your partner do not click, then give up. An current example: I have been 'fighting' with my bf now and then. The feelings between us faded. I do not know what i can do. He do not get influenced by me, instead, he got influence by his friends. You could say i am selfish, but seriously, I really DO, Dislike his friends asking him out in the night. He always tells me, he treasure the time that he spent with his friends, every single moment and mins. But why not when we are together? My bf could classify under a very smart bf. I thought he is smarter i am, he should know when are the things i need. As time pass,the things are so different. I am asking in general, is it all relationship must go through such idiot process? Is it to go through a long period of relationship before such things happens? If it is, i will choose not to be attached. 我不想面对那么残酷的结局。那么残酷的事实。

Love does not comes in whole. The reason for us to hold that long is because, he is waiting for me to change. I don't understand, you would not want to change me, but you expected a change in me. What are you trying to tell me? I dun understand and i do not figure out. Maybe the truth is, you are the minority, you belongs to someone minority. I am the majority, i belongs to someone common (Majority).

From a blog i read, does that mean : I should break up with my current bf ? As feelings does not hold a place in you. Because feelings do fade. Someone please answer my question.

Me and my nonsenses..Again and again~..~ hais...

Sign out(Had an answer to my decision)
~Why feelings fade?
~Why the initial feelings fade?
~Why things are going haywire?
~I feel like saying...
~Can you just show me that you do care, you do treasure.
~I can't feel it.

2010-05-13T23:04:00.000+08:00

I am finally home.. Tired day.. I ended work early just to meet my silly boy. I met him and we went over to somerset 313 to shop for my clothings..Found some nice clothings, though u say not nice.. I decided not to waste that money at this moment. I am saving up for my holiday trip to Genting on June. =D

I realize, i have been trying hard to catch up with u, but it seems useless for me to be the one asking, and you not willing. Just having a type of feeling that, you are too busy for me. Almost every time i ask you to go shopping with me, telling me that you would get back to me. I dun seems to get any answer from you. Hais.. Maybe our relationship is fated to be like that. I dun hope for anything from you, i just hoped that there would be time we go shopping together, getting my clothes, looking at you so in love with clothings. Even short meetings like having a breakfast at Macdonald is enough. Somehow, i really feel tired.. Though i misses you. I just feel that i should not disturb you any further.(Wondering is my doing right or wrong? Someone please tell me.)

I am happy to receive my pack from SIM today. I am accepted for the Diploma in Management Studies at SIM. There is a criteria, i need to complete my Certified English Language course FIRST. In order to proceed with my Diploma. I am really happy. Things are getting better between bronson and i, i suppose. It's tough to be in a relationship. Seriously, it is tough..

I have no idea why there are changes in you. Especially you are doing the things that you do not like. I am finding/seeking for the answer. Just to make me happy? I feel stress, i do not understand why i cant be happy. I felt that there is alot of things around me, that i need to do. Feeling tired and every day pass, my shoulders get more tensed. Hais...

sign out(Happy does not last me the whole day.. )
~Thanks bebe for all that you have done today..
~You know that i am feeling down..
~But I realize there is nothing to change my emotion for the day..
~I will be glad if you come and contact me, urself, initiate to go out with me..
~I will be more then willing to join you, even to meet you, cause i know i do love u.

2010-05-13T17:48:00.000+08:00

On the 11 May noon: I had alot of fun.. Truly happy.. Went to his house to have a small nap.. haha!.. Followed by Plaza Singapura. If i knew that we are going to spend so much money, i dun think i will want to go.. But the money is well spent! I suppose.. haha.. Caught a big mushroom, a hello kitty watch(Limited Design) and many small sweets etc. I am very happy... I finally got my hello kitty watch.. haha.. I am happy. but my silly boy spent too much.. His pay is gone after a day... How i wish to go back there again.. cause i really want that stitch.

Now i am working.. So bored.. I am so HAPPY! I received the SIM PACK! hahahaha! Now i waiting for dad to return... So i can go and submit all my forms and school fees! ... I cant wait for school reopen.. 1 JULY! hahahaha! OMG! it's coming! I am happy.. I will be going for a holiday trip soon.. during june! =D hahahahaha!.. cant wait for it... Gtg buai!

Sign out(Happy,but not really)
~Will Update tonight again! =D

2010-05-11T00:59:00.000+08:00

Day after day... Time files... I am getting older as i look into my last year photos. I realize the more u are angry and worried, the older u will be... How i wish i could give up worries and anger in me... It's seriously tiring.. I have a feeling that, the wound that i had years back are still there..The hurt and scared feeling of being two-timed.. I seriously have no idea how to bring my confidence out and give you ur freedoms.I am silly enough to be worrying that you would leave me one day. While other boyfriends i had, i wont bother about this. I seriously do not have a reason why. Maybe i put in alot of efforts, time, love and heart into this relationship. 就让我谈一场轰轰烈烈的恋爱吧？True? haha!

我越陷越深了。现在的日子还算过得去，恐怕我维持不久。实在是太多太多的东西我想做，太多太多的害怕，太多太多的恐惧。真是让我头痛。心情有很大的转变，这几天心情超不好的！几乎天天都哭，天天都在闹！心情一下子像海水高潮时的high，一下子就像刚失恋的伤心（down），就好像在乘搭过山车，一下子上，一下子下！真搞不懂自己在想什么。有时觉得你对我很冷漠/淡，不想是平时爱我，疼我的你。行动上也很不像自己。那时我的疑心就来了。糟糕！老天爷啊！请你救救我好吗？我现在真的很辛苦。

Bebe came over my house to 'study'.. haha.. But we went to Jurong point with granny, to get her 'pen'. Having sensitive is really painful when it comes to eating cold and drinking cold drinks and food. I could only rmb something which really makes me happy today.. If u ppl watched the New Beginning, there is a scene, when dailian and clever is in the church.The words that dailian said, was so touching.Tay Ping Hui also said that to jess. and have a peck on her cheek.That scene was something so amazing.. Bebe was on the sofa, and i am on the floor.He sat down on the floor and put his hands over my shoulder said 'I also want to thank u'. This is something i am really very happy about throughout so many days... But these happiness does not erase the unhappiness that had be there since last week..

Ppl close to me will noe that i had arguements with you. People will know that i cried alot during that period. It just does not bother you. I learnt something, no matter how unhappy i am, no matter how upset i am, no matter how disappointed i am, i need to keep it till the end of the day and i am not meeting u on the following day. Reason behind it was I do not want to spoil the day that we had together, I do not want you to have a feeling of not meeting me, when at times i really need your care and concern.

I am feeling tired... that's all for today..

sign out(. . . )

2010-05-05T00:03:00.005+08:00

我想谈一场永不分手的恋爱
就算吵架
就算生气
也会再在一起

我想谈一场永不分手的恋爱
就算我们很忙
就算我们很累
只要见到彼此就会温馨一笑

我想谈一场永不分手的恋爱
就算我们结婚
就算我们有孩子
就算我们在一起很久了
我也会想让我在睡觉前抱你一会儿

我想谈一场永不分手的恋爱
在那场恋爱里
只有彼此
没有背叛
没有分离
没有心痛

我想谈一场永不分手的恋爱
那场恋爱
我们懂得彼此
熟悉彼此
习惯彼此
依赖彼此

我想谈一场永不分手的恋爱
我们的恋爱中
有一个自己的家
有一个我们的宝宝
孩子叫你妈妈、叫我爸爸

我想谈一场永不分手的恋爱
我们会一直牵着彼此的手
陪着对方渡过每一天
快乐、忧伤
首先会想到对方
彼此的感情不会随着时间的逝世而随波逐流

我想谈一场永不分手的恋爱
我们会一直走下去。
蹒跚漫步
夕阳西下
白头到老
相濡以沫
然后轻抚着你的脸庞、轻声说句
“对你的感觉一直都在”

要是真有这一场的恋爱，我也要。。
若是有个男人能背，念给我听，一字不漏，我一定感动死了！
真想有那么一场永不分手的恋爱。
我们能做到吗？

sign out(Unhappy.. )

~I can feel that u are tired...

~Neither do i noe wad is the reason behind it...

~Is it because of me, or is it because of the things u are copping...

~I really feel troubled.. Hais... I have nothing more to comment..

2010-04-24T00:03:00.000+08:00

Hmmm.. Morning i recieved an sms telling me not to go bb.. so i took my time and planning wad i can do by spending little money.. i seriously mean as little as possible... Only eat a meal which really cost me a bomb.. Miss eating Long John, and it cost me like $6.10! OMG! so expensive... but my breakfast was a cup of milo! haha.. dinner was home.. wah! it looks like i am on a diet..but i am NOT! haha.. Trying to save money... =D (Tight~~*)

Spending the day with you was fun.. the things i dun like was actually things that u are doing... It's not convinent to type it here... Asking myself, 'do u noe ur limits?' (dun be mistaken) 'do u really noe when to stop?' I really been keeping it... Observing you... I realize i want ur attention on me... ATTENTION! i am seeking for ur attention! but u neglated it. Feeling lost~~ Feeling... hais.. no words that is able to describe... Was actually kinda unhappy with actions that changes.. really make me think negatively.. People told me to think positively, and i am trying too!.. I may think negatively, but speak positively.. It is really hurting and tough...

Tuition was like.. **** lol.. Duno how to comment, but the work is like... okay la.. not much but i will choose to have more? haha!.. Feel like going library to study with my frens.. just like wad we do in school.. but i suppose, there wont be anymore.. Everyone is studying different courses, work are also different. so.. duno lah... maybe people whom wants to go out study, joo me ba.. i do my own work...

As i grow, i realize that talking in the night was not a must... Its just an habit.. (What you told me before.. now i agree)

Having you daily is not a must.. Occupying u is not a must... I think, i shld take back all my words, you are free, you can go to ur fren's world, eventually i will open mine too.. I will also go to my fren's world.. In fact, this decision maybe better? Having ur frens and having mine.. Maybe i shld not be so... about the gender of ur frens.. I shld not be stubborn on this relationship.. Thinking more freedom for u maybe better, but the intension or mind must be right... I am growing up! =D

sign out(unhappy~~)
~Hoped to meet up with M soon!..

~Seeing him is wonder,

~all my unhappiness are gone just like the wind.

~When i see the silly boy of mine is asleep.. =D

<-- heehee! so cute.. ♥♥

2010-04-21T00:20:00.000+08:00

Today i recieved mummy's call.. explaining alot of things to me... I was touched and i felt loved... I cried while listening.. Thinking why will she understand me better then anyone? especially those ppl who stays with me everyday, get to see me and chat with me everyday... WHY? I seriously dun get all these... Hais... I always thought those who are by my side, the duration is the thing which allows u to understand me, but i realise after today, it prove me wrong. I am happy, at least i have mummy to care for me.. Adding on of course is you..

Went for half day work, followed by down to queenstown library to look for you. Having my books, school diary and notebook with me.. I was decorating my school diary!.. so nice.. haha.. As we talked, things came by..All the stupid things comes in... like stupid things : i have affair with this and this, you have affair with this and this.. lol!.. Ppl who noe me i cant take such things.. Yet, i manage to keep silent ba... I wrote things out... and he snatched it.. This is my new way of expressing my unhappiness, was thinking of writing and throwing it away after that. But he kept it.. explaining to me.. I acceptted.. that's the unhappy moments.. My initial feeling was to eat Mac, cause it's been time every since i eat mac.. i just miss mac's fries.. =D Because of convinence, i decided to go the market and eat.. Spent about $24. I felt really broke.. now in my wallet is left with $4, for tmr, thurs.. hopefully i am not going out on friday... hais...~~ I still own jiemin her birthday present which cost like $28, and gwen i think about $8? hais!.. Feeling so broke.. and This month i didnt really work.. Many things happening.. soooo... ya...haha!.. like that lor.. I suppose he is busy with his work now...

Decided to work more during may! so i could really save up to go redang during june.. =D Any frens free?!!! Waiting ba.. I shld have the attitude of, if i manage to go, its a bonus to me, if i didnt then wait lor! hais.. i am tired.. time to sleep!!! zzzzzZzzz Bebe is going to study today, so i am not going to talk to him.. :( Hais!!! 88

sign out(Enjoyed my day perhaps..)
~Touched by the love and care from you, i thought u wont bother about me anymore..
~Touched by ur gasture...
~Thanks mummy and bebe.. making my day so pleasant.. =D

2010-04-20T10:23:00.000+08:00

The start of my day, just spoiled everything. Perhaps its from the buildings in me.. Came back from penang, everything shld be settled by now.. Felt the heartache, sour feelings when i see those, though i expected it... The journey there was short, est of 1hr.. But the return journey, was close to 13hrs... Including the hours spent on waiting for the buses to arrive.. I am sensitive.. The usual acts from parents are gone.. They no longer eat dinner with me... They would eventually eat themselves while i am asleep... These isnt things that i wanted to see and feel... I thought, a child in parents hearts is always a child.. Perhaps it's wrong... Starting to feel that i am losing things... These days/weeks, i noe u are busy with ur studies... Thus i dare not voice out to u about such things, cause i noe wad are the conclusions.. It will be things which i do not want to listen... I felt being neglated.. From both family and you... I decided to write it here, reason is simple, cause i cant keep it in me anymore.. It's painful, its hurting to be thinking negatively... I do not want to add on to your burden.. Giving you more headaches.. Always uses 'jokings' methods to joke about the things that i felt neglated... I suppose, this is me.. The one that kept things... I always thinks that going back school is the best, reason why is because, i have friends to listen to me... At least i wont be feeling like these... The listening ear that i appreciate..

Just felt that i should not meet you today. Though we have not meet. I have a gut feeling that i wont be happy... I will give you attitude for giving you my time and i dun get wad i want in return... (Give and take) Decided to work today... half day perhaps.. Your exams are coming which is this thursday... I hoped you can score.. at the same time, i hoped you wont neglate me... I kept telling myself that it's me the one that is thinking all negative stuffs... Trying to think positively... Like: 'You'r busy with ur work.. so u dun seems concern about my stuff...' , 'You do not want to give me wad i wanted...(cause u are just like that..)' , 'You're studying for your exams...'... After days telling you that i am unwell, i realise something... I just want your attention... I am seeking for your attention... I realise, its not meeting u daily solve my problem.. It's the way how you treat and look upon the days that we are meeting... I do not need all your free time , i just need all ur attentions... I want you to do nothing just to be with me... Your free time, u can go and study definetly not LAN! This is how you use ur free time wisely...

I realise, you are treating me like i need to meet u.. You are giving me all ur free time to meet you... In fact, these isnt wad i really want... Am i the one who always request to meet? Always feeling blamed by you... Always thinking that i am the one, that made u have no time to study... I learnt something, i put on my best to meet you each time. I feel u are not... It's just the normal time meeting you.... Seeing you excited talking about your soccers..made me feel happy... These days, the really happy and enjoyable one was actually the day when we go ikea... Having to laugh alot... I realise it's gone so easily.. hais... If even in a relationship, i dun get the only care and concern, the dote and loves, i dun think this is wad i want, and i feel there is no point getting into a relationship anymore... hais...

Sign out(Feeling terrible...)

~time for work...

~How i wish i could go back...

2010-04-06T01:03:00.000+08:00

I think, the little nightmare of mine is going to happen soon, in less than 24hrs.. I am afraid of going there to see the things i dun like, or i shld say seeing the things that i may feel is not right but to u, it maybe right. lol! some questions running in ur mind leh? Hais.. Its just another day full of unhappiness.. Trying to make both of our day bright and cheerful, but it ended up dull and upset. Seriously i cannot tahan guys.. My fren bf also like that.. What on earth are GUYS!? Are they some alien or something?! hais... ...

I went to clementi arcade to meet hannah and ray. Went to play some weird new game as well as my fav. Thinking that it can allow me to concentrate and think less, but i suppose i am wrong! It only helps when things in me are little and not as troubled as the one i having in me. I have been thinking and imagining that the nightmare will happen.. Hais.. Every screen i tapped on reminds me of u. You at home doing nothing.. Hannah asked me learnt to trust u, i am trying.. I am just really sensitive now.. hais.. Kinda emo, thinking how can i even face the both of u?! Was wondering, why cant u pair with a guy instead?! Why when a gal pair with u for presentation, your answer could be a 'yes'? Having a mentality of just a fren, a close fren. On action?! Linking that 'she is the type of gal u like', 'how i wish u are single?', ' your gf is so lucky to have u?' all these?! Suddenly i just wished that i could go back to school, studying every single day with no trouble.. Even if i have some, i just need to lean on a shoulder that is always there for me in school and i will be alright.

Things started to change. Wondering is it you, or is it me? Can we last longer? Talked and listens to advise from others. Trying to ask myself, is these all i wanted? Am i suppose to be suffering like that? Torturing myself, keeping things to myself? You are right, I am a chatty gal.. Asking me to be silent is a suffering to me. Now, i could even fake laugh and ppl believe that i am happy. I can be silent when things really goes wrong.. But Acting is very painful.. I was actually thinking, these are all my problems... I shld leave you far away. I am just a problematic gal.. You wont understand and never will u put urself in my shoes.. No one will.. and No One DID!

All people asking are just asking for what they wanted, but did they ever thought of what i wanted?! All they does is just complaining that i don't care for them! Dun bother about THEM!. When my things arent settled, i am still lost and confused in my life, i still need to be the one being there for you! At times i can be a joker just to make u laugh, just a moment of happiness with u, ensuring u that i am there with u when u really need me.. But when i really need u? Where are u !? We all came from different worlds.. Somethings i will take the initiatives and sometimes i wont! Please will you? Give me some peace!... (Not specially for anyone...It Includes all... )

Asking me to go there wait for u for about 4-5 hrs later... Can i do it? seriously i am clueless... I am afraid to go... I seriously feeling very unhappy and upset.. Being sick is terrible, unable to relax is terrible..

sign out(feeling unhappy... )

*Though we maybe together for close to 2years, i will still need the basic necessesity...*

*Though we noe each other for more then 4years, but there are times i could not be able to be around for u, i hoped when u really need me, u will come to me...No Matter what, i will support you, and jiayou for ur up coming O lvls!.. *

*Though we noe each other for more then 10years, i appreciate all ur jokes and you really allow me to be myself, the one that is chatty, the one that always complains whenever i am with you.. Thanks gal... *

2010-04-04T12:18:00.000+08:00

I am sick! Rawr! It is good to be sick.. =D hahaha! Looks like i am crazy. Something is in me right now, feeling unhappy, upset.. Do not dare to voice out to you. I dun wan to disturb u.. I know i have been telling you these, and i noe u are getting tired of all these. Didnt really sleep well last night, as i slept very long during the day. Had a dream of u in it. The dream goes like this: No longer seeing G inside my dream but i see J inside my dream. G is finally off my nightmares, but J came in. Trying to show nothing is going to happen, but i realise i cant. In my dream, as usual tues u and J are meeting up for project. In the library, she said she is feeling cold, and thus i saw u putting ur jacket over her, and hugged her. You didnt noe i am there, but these are all the things i saw. I tried to hold onto my temper, and walked up to u guys, saying 'hi' and u let ur hands off her shoulder. I invited her to your house meeting ur mum. Your mum asked 'who is this gal?' I said ' its your son's new gf, and i am here to pack my stuffs' I really felt sick and tired seeing such things over and over again.. I am irritated! I don't even feel like meeting you now.!

Seeing you makes me worry, seeing you make me think of what had happened in my dreams, seeing you does not help me, as you are already sick and tired of assuring me. I know all these but i cant help myself from telling you, showing you attitude, just to vent out what is in me. I have no idea why these kept popping in and dun allow me to sleep well.. Trying very hard to keep myself calm after such dreams, but it just dun work! Just seeing it repeating, or even worst situations. I seriously had enough! I hoped to stop all these!!!! BUT HOW!!!!??? hais.. really into deep depression i suppose.. :(

sign out(duno wad kinda attitude shld i show u..)

~I doubt i can act normally..

~I doubt i can stop all these...

~I doubt u can give me all the security that i needed...

~I doubt u will respond to anything like these...

2010-04-02T01:13:00.000+08:00

Let's talk about today!.. I had my English Placement Test From SIM! Was so nervous and scared.. Morning suppose to meet u for breakfast, but u were late due to some insects! eeyer! Had a wonderful breakfast made by my maid.. haha!. Ready for test! On my way, i was so quiet while u kept on playing ur itouch and talking somethings.. I was really nervous yet i dun wish to ask something from u.. Reached SIM, was like lost! OMG! the school suddenly so huge to me.. following the crowd.. but clueless of where i am going. haha! Went up by the lift as we saw a fren of ur's. Seeing many ppl waiting outside the room for the test! I am so scared! Awhile later a person opened the door and popped her head out asking 'are u taking the english test?' WAH! so fast going in le!...

While waiting, so scary! I felt so disappointed in myself! I am like the only SINGAPOREAN inside the room! wtf? all bring passport, but me? surrending the one and only PINK NRIC! loL! weird feeling... I think i screwed my MCQs! Essay i suppose was well written! I am happy for it! hahah! thanks! =D

After test, went tiong to watch clash of the titans! 3D OMG! first time watching 3D***! hahah! I am so excited for the movie! Seems unhappy with watching 3Ds brought my feelings down too.. Trying to be high and to bring happiness to u.. It seems so freaking useless!. I still see the unhappy faces from u.. hais.. was thinking what is wrong with u.. If u are really so uncomfortable, might as well dun watch.. seriously.. u dun like ppl to force u things, but when u are willing to do it, pls dun show the expressions of u dun like and dun feel like.. I cant take it, and i noe how u feels like in the past. Now i am changing, even i dun wan to go, i will not show it to u..

After movie, you said u want to go queensway archade, i said no.. Cause initally u wanted to go back home to kill and find ur insect. So busy at ur house, and i am totally so freaking ass unwell!! Nose leaking badly and stuff... hahah! If can be like a tap, i will wish to switch it off. Actually the main thing after the movie is to go ur house help u catch that idiot croach, den i am going to rest at ur house.. But instead, i choose to go queensway archade with u.. Just to make u happy, do something u like just to cheer u up.. Instead of that, after the archade we had a arguement.. Hais!.. Really man.. We come from different worlds! doing and repeating the same old things again and again.. Just wished to try new things.. but it seems useless...! hais.. i really must type and send a wishlist of places i want to go.. I am really kinda upset.. really... hais.. always have the opportunity, but u always rejected it... it really upset me...

Later i going Ice-Skating! hahaha! wheeeee! so happy.. but u chose not to tagg along.. You noe how sad i am...

sign out(upset.. duno wad to respond!)

~Wishlist will be sent to u!

~Laughing is an act, Silent is the cure (Now i believe in this. )

2010-03-25T23:12:00.000+08:00

Making myself to type a post out.. Yst night was playing Maple with gwen, joel and bronson. It is fun.. But something funny is, i don't like such games, why will i go play it? Actually i am unhappy the whole day.. No one understands me..No one put themseleves in my shoes.. Though u explained to me about granny's stuff, i cant accept.Since u already had done ur part, do u still want me to disturb u? I suppose not.. From my experience, u would just comment: I have nothing to say. If this is going to be ur actual answer, then telling you does help me? Playing games that i do not like, played till forgotten about the time. I am sorry for not keep watching the time. Things are done, i can't go back to the time to change things.I suppose if i were to go back, things won't get any better either.Had a (not say small and not say big) arguement with you. Ever since last night. This morning everything just spoils my day. Thanks for that. At least you see the changes in me.

Today: Went to meet Jiemin at school bus-stop, but it was kinda a delayed. Gotten the school diary! YEah! haha. I suppose i will only use it during JULY! Met up with hannah. Hannah and i went to clementi to have our LJS as lunch followed by ARCHADE! haha.. I am so crazy of playing the ripples.. I could not stop.. I realise that is the time when i really stopped thinking of things and to concentrate on my game.. Hannah, You made my day!.. Thanks.. On our way back, we met JOEL LEE! hahaha!.. OMG! he is wearing fmss shirt! haha.. so cooL! haha.. Anw, i had my day passed just like that. Reaching home, did some reading etc.. Trying to get the unhappiness away.I realise it's so tough without doing somethings i like. Tmr i will be meeting Joel, Gwen, XX, Siti for lunch at tiong! haha.. catching up..Supposingly i am going back to school to meet Ms Pam. A pity she got to meet parents. We changed it to MONDAY! haha.. I am so happy to meet Ms Pam.. I guess, she is going to talk to me about many things.. (I also have many things to ask Ms Pam!) haha.

Still thinking of what will be my decision for tmr. Shld i go or not?! Such a tough decision to make. It's time for me to do somemore reading i suppose! OH YAH! I will be taking my english placement test next thursday(1April 2010) haha.. Worried.. SIM called me yst.. Worried...

Sign out(worried~~~)

~Laughing is an act, Silent is the cure.

~Happy that i am going to meet MS PAM!

~Worried for my english placement test!

~Thanks everyone for today..

2010-03-22T19:52:00.000+08:00

I am working now.. haha! Blog is dead! lol.. that's so true.. Gwen went for her sports camp never off her com! waste electricity man! hahaha.. i talked to her no respond.. sad!. hais.. Today i went to register myself in SIM for Diploma in Management Studies.. I am so afraid that i will regret.. haha.. No friends with me.. SAD! :( and i will be taking my english placement test soon! when they give me a call , it meant by its the end of my day!.. hahaha.. Went to take my NRIC photo for my admission, i saw the instant cam! OMG!!! there is full white, brown!! and i saw the pink one that i wanted! wtf?! the pink one cost about $128! ahhhhh! pissed me off... But i thought back, its good that i have a blue one, some ppl out there dun even have the money to buy.. Why i complain so much? haha.. Day after day, made me so tired.. Working day by day, and i got very tired... YST night i went to temple and chant for my ah ma.. but not my grandma lah! hahaa.. Chanted for about 3hrs ++ So tiring.. and My NOSE cant take the smell! OMG!.. making my nose so itchy.. At least i managed to finished the last half of the session..

I am feeling kinda uphappy today. I have no idea why, i just feel like going to the archade to play ripples. Haha.. i bought the card, thus i could store all my scores.. =D I am feeling troubled and upset over things.. Mostly are because of Family, Schools and You. I am sure that u would not check my blog recently, and you wont be around with me when i need you. Things are getting worst between each other.. Why is there such relationships between each other when u really thought it could be a happy and united family? Why is there actings within families? I have so many questions around myself.. Thinking of it, making me cry. Is it people whom had made mistakes are not to be forgiven? Why are you like that to him? Why are u guys doing such things to each another? I seriously have doubts.. Wondering who to trust. Of Course i trust both people, but why are u making things difficult for him?? why!? Saying such childish and irresponsible things to her? Wont u think that she will be in a difficult situation?? Hais.. People are all self-fish. They only think of themselves and not the rest.. Why!?

Hais... Being troubled in so many little things.. How i wished to be away... I want to avoid things that i hear, i see with my eyes.. It's just so different and notYOU! Chinese saying : 知错能改。I dun want to see him crying due to you not helping.. It hurts my heart.. I just felt Useless! I cant do anything!!!.. hais!>..< I suppose things that i heard u guys duno how i feel inside me.. Deep down inside. I am feeling terrible!!!

The appearance of me now looks so fake. No one know's.. No one Care's! Laughing like no body business! The way i laugh, the way i talk, the way i think! All So different! Just No One KNOWS!! and REALISE! hais.. wad is life.? Am i born in the wrong family???

Sign out(Patpatthepatman is tired..)

~Truely unhappy!

~Deep down in my heart are cuts..

~Shld forgive and forget each other's past.

2010-02-14T04:40:00.001+08:00

HIII! I am back from CHINA! haha.. BUT sadly i am going off again to GENTING! Bebe, pls be good. i will be back 3days later.. I had a great valentine's day with u.. thanks for ur flowers.. its so special and cute.. haha. and it's something i wanted.. LOVES! haha.. BYEBYE! Just typing the last things here... Wait for me to be backk... and PEEPS! HAppy chinese new year and a happy Valentine's day to cpls!

BYE!

sign out(hais... )

2010-02-05T03:55:00.000+08:00

Today is the day where i am flying off to china = guangzhou = zhuhai. It's going to be 7 days. I am leaving this country for 7days. It's sad.. I can't bear to leave u my bebe. Many things been happening since the start of the year, i could say everything has happen, no matter is relationship, family matters, or friendships. All have changes.

Relationships: My bebe and I are alright, perhaps it's getting better. Less arguements, fights, etc. I am really happy.. For what i know now was actually i am going to miss my second year valentine with you. Second year valentine meaning our relationship have improved and moved up to the second year. Our relationship is on-going, i should say it's not rather stable, but i felt more comfortable and secure these days. Maybe at certain times where we have bad arguements different views on certain things, it's really hard to continue at the moment in time. But i am staying strong, and not going to end this. I am sure about, and i really wish this would last.

Bebe: I am going to leave for 7 days, it is the 7days of this year which i am leaving u 'alone' in Singapore. It maybe easy for you as it is just 7days to you. As for me, it's pretty hard. I admit that i am a sticky girlfriend, i am the one who needs you to be there everytime i need it, every moment when i need you, you must try to be there, etc. This is the fact. Bebe, i am not good in writing poems or so, but i am going to write a little note and feeling here. There is a letter that i am going to give you, allow you to read after i leave my house. Just now, i really do not want to hang up the phone, as i am worried that it would be the last and final time to talk to you. It's just me whom thinks alot especially the negative side of life. No matter what, i am going to try thinking positively now.. =D Love you Xoxo.

Family: Things been up and down, going really UP and real DOWN. The things had happened was really something which i am kinda involved. I really do hoped that it is back to normal. Seeing everyone facing each other pretty well or the attitude and character are better. Hope things is really back to normal.. Chinese New Year is coming! Ang Bao more more! =D haha.

Friendships: Many things happened. Especially posting school results. Many people started school already such as JCs. Out of a sudden, i really feel like going JC, but as my results, hais.. It's just a disappointment. Don't want to bother. Just hoping that 5 april 2010 my DAE posting results are good. I am waiting. Some friends i see was very self-fish. Very Very. I got very angry with that person, attitude, character. Just a fake person or i should say two face person. Never mind it would not be my problem anymore, cause i am not going to face her again. Idiot!.

Me: Relationships going well, family matters back to normal, some friends are still here for me, with me. I am very happy. Thanks to all my family members, Bronson KCS, friends ( Gwen, Joel, Siti, Nurul, Hannah, Jie min, Nina, Kiat, and many more.. ) to be by my side always during the days when i am really low, bad tempered, and didn't manage to accept the fact of my results and some feelings and thoughts about how my friends will view me. Hais.. anw, this 7 days i am really going to miss you all. Thanks alot peeps.

Sign out (^^)

~It's going to be a long week

~It's going to be the days where i am having difficulties

~It's going to be 7 days that you won't be with me,

~So, will you be good and make sure your promises are done??

~I hoped everything is going to be fine.

2010-01-24T02:34:00.003+08:00

Hi peeps.. haha! as wad my mei says, my blog is going to die again.. =P haha! It's kinda true. Ever since i got my results, i have no mood! haha! ANW its over!..

It seems like i have nothing to say. But in short, Kenneth Hong is leaving Singapore to Perth for his studies.. so sad right? One of my close fren in class whom always coach me in geography lesson! Thanks bud! haha. All the best to u! =D

LAter some of the 5A peeps will be sending him off but i choose not to. Reason behind it was, i am afraid that i will cry. People whom know me, will noe that i do cry easily.. Especially sending ppl off to other country.. haha! better not to create a cry sence there in airport. =D

I am kinda counting down how many days i am not going to see you for the moment.
SAt: Went out with Kenneth, darren, gwen and audrey for Legion. Stupid show.

Sun: My bebe needs to study. Monday is exam!~

Monday: Class outing at kallang. Hopefully dinner with bebe.

Tues:Confirm that i can meet my bebe. Sad uh!?

sign out(...)
~All the best KHSL!
~Misses my bebe...
~Gal see u in maybe 6hrs time! =D

2009-12-27T11:43:00.002+08:00

Morning to ppl! haha! Being waked by a call which came from my mum.. yawn~~ I went to read bebe's blog, i was so touched.. But wondering wad special things i had done to make him feel great? Maybe this is love? I felt very loved too by u. Although at times u're kinda bad to me, dun dote on me. I dun mind, as u say, u're trying to nuture me. When i am independent enough i will get the dotes right?

It's also great and wonderful to have you as mine, really hoping that things are going somewhere now. Where u have a stubborn gf whom does not listen. It's tough for the relationship to continue. But bebe, i promise i will try to listen and change yoour view on me. =D heehee~~

Sometimes i really hoped that the time can pass slower whenever i am with u. I dun mind the time passing fast when i am working. LOL! haha but how i wish i could extend evey moment when i am with u. Or i shld say, i dun wana to go home. When the time is up for me to go home, i felt a sudden of missing u already, though we haven part. But wad can i do? hmm.. Just hoped that things will change as i grow up. =D

sign off( feeling hungry .. and loving u..)
~It's all feelings that i gave u.
~It's all my love and care + concern.
~It's my duty to be by ur side.
~It's my duty to love u.
~So bebe, I Love You, and i am willing to be by ur side forever. =D

2009-12-26T01:02:00.002+08:00

It's Christmas! haha! My aunt's house had a christmas party! hehe! bebe is here with me to celebrate christmas.. i am so happy! BEBE IT'S OUR FIRST CHRISTMAS TGT! AND I AM SO HAPPY...

The whole day starts with me going to work and ending time at 5pm! I am so happy that my boss gave me a box of choco for christmas present.. though its small, but the thoughts that counts.. and my superviosr treated me a ice cream! haha. As i said the thoughts that counts. I am happy enough.. haha.. was trying to rush to the bus stop, and realised i missed my bus.. gotta like wait for another 15mins. lol.. lucky i could connect to internet by wifi. hehe!

Meeting bebe on the bus, and head over to my house.. haha! i am so glad and seriously i am, that i am spending my christmas with u! Most importantly it was our very first christmas. =D guess wad we did last year during our christmas and why i said that 25 Dec 09 its our first christmas? Obviously, it's because he is in army! lol! having duty somemore if i didnt rmb wrongly. It's like.. ><" haha! But anw i got my christmas this year, and out relationship is still growing.. =D

Ended everything like 10pm. haha! after all the eating, we had a gift exchanged programm! So cool! seeing the kids and adults smile on their faces just made me so happy to arrange this game in it. Some ppl took back their own presents and some took others. haha! Bebe and I got a box of choco and a green froggy piggy bank! haha! so happy.. it's green! Received other gifts from aunts, uncle, dad.. My mum, granny haven give me.. and my bebe also haven give me! haha.. OKay, i noe, i also never buy any present for u yet. sorry~

Spending a simple yet busy day with my bebe wasn't easy. Lucky he was a guy whom willing to help me with things. Pasting the numbers, printing the numbers, though yst when i asked him to, he was like 'HUH!? why cant u do urself? ' Hais kinda disappointing.. Cause its late, and i forgotten to wrap the presents for today! And i was tired adding on, the next day i have work. THinking wtf!? Cant u be more understanding? haha!... but i just kept myself cool and calm. GO SLEEP! haha! But thanks bebe for helping. =D

I am tired~! guess everyone is also tired.. Sleeping time.. =D nights ppls! Soon going to be NEW YEAR! haha! so happy!

sign out(tired yet fortunate )
~Thanks for my family.
~Thanks for my bebe.
~Merry Christmas to all~

2009-12-22T01:48:00.002+08:00

Here i come again for my blog. I am like having mc yst. haha! my both leg are swollen. The right leg was the ankle. whereas the left leg was from the ankle to the calf. IT's painful. Bitten by some idiot insects which said by the doctor. In the beginning, it is as itchy as a normal mos. bite. But it began to swollen and pain! hais~ anw its over! i having my MC haha! and my pay are gone! hais!~~ thought of earning alot money to get things that i like,haha! i feel so broke. I no longer have money to spend on things le... hais~~~

Working is so tiring and argh! I will choose to study now, then working! Pls let me go back to times where i can study.! And now is my major holiday instead of me working. I got very tired of working. But i do not have a choice. I need to work, in order to purchase things i like, or maybe i could save up a trip to somewhere near singapore, but not too far awaySometimes i really hoped that sky can drop money down. I bett everyone wants that to happen! right??? Working isnt fun, kids pls study hard, dun think about growing up quickly and no need to work anymore. haha! Wrong thinking already! I had this thinking ever since i am young..

I had this decision on sunday, when i went to see doctor. I had decided to end everything if u continue to work like this.. As for my fren prob, wad i can tell u is, u're his girlfriend and not his friend! rmb that gal! and Boy, rmb this kinda status mean alot to the girl. And it really do, it allow the girl to understand who she is in ur heart, though ur actions dun change, but this are considered as an actiont too.. so BOY! rmb that!

It's already morning 2am. I am still here blogging! haha! I am still fighting in me whether shld i get a iphone tmr? but the cost will be like??? BOMB! haha! somehow i dun wish to change my phone, cuase i want to have the same phone as my bebe (bronson kcs) and i am serious. This is something cool..

What we have in common:
1) Havanas sandles (brown)
2) Handphone pouch (white)
3) Handphone (ericsson k800i)
4) Many common shirts (he dun wear it! >.<")
5) Ipod touch
6) Brand of Ear piece

I suppose i shld end the common thing. haha! lol!. its kinda alot??? haha! this are somethings which i built up to have the same. Whereas the phone.. iphone? or not???

sign out(in pain..~)
~ I wont believe that u love me.
~ Unless u cry and ask whether u love?

2009-12-18T01:32:00.006+08:00

HAPPY 18th MONTHSARY!!!

NEOPRINT! =D

I am so happy! haha! we have been through alot of things i suppose... It's another new fresh start for us. A new month to go.. =D Anw i counted wad we did yst was our celebration. =D Hoped u enjoyed the movie "AVARTAR" with me. Eating nachos... Playing WII SPORTS! haha! its so fun! I hate golf and baseball! nothing fun about it man! haha! Was so hungry about somethings.. =D haha! i had shown u wad is it. You asking me why i am so hungry for?? haha! Was it nice? Cool?? haha! next time will eat it again alright?! AND! Bronson kcs! u own me 2 limited edition things! haha! u used/ gave away mine! hmph! haha! guess no where can be found?? Sad lah! but its for enjoyment. Make sure u make my rest of the days good! haha!

Was actually very tired from work. really feel like giving up. But luckily now i got so much better with my supervisor. Its cool to observe how ppl works, do things, and how they act. These are things which i dun see it when i am in school. Like lady boss is a very hot temper person, and she uses harsh tones on me. I still thinking of a way to talk and try to get along well with her. Whereas supervisor is like okay? haha she just need a ear to listen and listen to everything. Something like that. haha! very tough.. and now i noe how tough is this world!. hais!~~~

Tmr i am working at 4 to 10pm! Frens want to get any christmas gift?? come find me and but from me! =D yea??? alright??? hehe! thanks!! gotta go, its late..

Sign out (tired)
~Bronson kwek
~I love u!
~Santa is coming to town soon!!! =D
~Where and what is for my christmas gift?!

2009-12-13T01:07:00.002+08:00

Yst i suppose (12 dec 09): I could not sleep the whole night. Had been flipping here and there till morning. Thought it would be a very bad day today, but i made myself happy by trying to u a surprise. Went to over, BOO~ lol! it doesnt seems like a suprise to u.. Letting u noe that i didnt sleep well and u said u would help me. Lying in ur arms trying to sleep, initially i cant. But i could sleep in the end.! Was actually very happy, finally i slept for like 50mins? ( i suppose)

Time to work: Went down to bugis again. Saw this lady whom approached me on the (11 dec) she said she was looking for model and asked me for my contact no. lol! guess this story shall not continue. You want to noe, ask me. Didnt bother about that lady but continue up to work place. Met the other part timer. I realise she is one of the CENTURIONS SL! haha! so cool~ but i never see her at red camp. So who care;s!? Was very busy lah! Hais! Wanting and hoping to be able to close shop early! but cant! always last min got customer comes! sian~~~

You gave me a surprise by appearing at bugis instead of at ur house bus stop. Holding ice-cream~ hehe! so nice and yummy!~~~ Last thing which i didnt expected is that, after we drop at my bus stop, u carried me in the middle of the pathway, and cross the road! lol! haha! so cool! and its so fun! Felt so happy and Loved by u. How i wish wadever happens today, shall be similar or even happier forever when we're tgt. =D (The actions, the talks, etc. ) Maybe there are things which i doenst like, but its alright.

Going to celebrate NURUL's birthday later! haha! will be heading to SNOW CITY! haha! so cool! i cant wait to see the make over of NURUL! haha!

sign out( Felt so loved~~~)
~Happy!
~Clap my hands! heehee!

2009-12-10T01:34:00.001+08:00

Guys Should Read THIS! :

1. Girls hate it when guys say perverted things.

2. Girls like to be told that they’re beautiful, rather than hot, pretty, cute, or sexy. It just gives more meaning.

3. Girls love to feel special, even though they might not show it.

4. Girls talk about EVERYTHING with their girlfriends. So that means, you’re possibly 90% of their conversation. And believe me, trash talking takes up most of it, unless you’re a Greek god, which you’re not.

5. When girls are online, they want the guy to instant message them first, and they literally burn up inside when they’re not messaged. Of course, when they are messaged, they play it all cool and go “oh, hey” as if they just discovered your message.

6. Girls have a thing for guys who dress GQ.

7. Girls love it when guys are over 6 feet.

8. Girls find it awfully attractive when guys wear just a white t-shirt and jeans and yet they happen to look awesome in it.

9. Remember. Sense of humor. GIRLS LOVE GUYS WHO CAN MAKE THEM LAUGH.

10. Girls hate guys with bad hygiene. So put on that deodorant and clip those nails!

11. Girls love guys who plays sports.

12. Girls love it when a guy pulls them close by the waist.

13. Girls go crazy when a guy smells good.

14. Girls hate cocky guys.

15. Usually, when a girl is sarcastically mean to you, it means they’re attracted to you, but are afraid that they’ll be showing too much.

16. A kiss on the hand with the right timing can be a REAL TURN-ON.

17. Girls have a thing for guys who sport blazers with a destroyed tee underneath.

18. Girls have a thing for guys who have messy sex hair.

19. Some girls can think about their crushes for 18+ hours straight. No exaggeration.

20. When a guy says something really sentimental, girls will remember it forever.

21. The smallest gestures, the smallest stares, and the smallest statements could make a girl’s year. No joke.

22. Girls get embarrassed easily, even if guys don’t know what the hell just happened.

23. Girls daydream about their crushes. Like getting married, going on dates, kissing, etc. They just don’t show it.

24. Girls HATE cheaters.

25. Guys who can sing or dance are a major turn on.

26. Guitarists are sexy.

27. When a girl is upset and wants you to listen, she wants you to listen. Don’t give her advice unless she asks for it.

28. When a girl is crying, she feels a lot safer if you pull her close and tell her that everything is going to be alright.

29. Girls love it when guys say their name.

30. Girls don’t like short tempered guys.

31. Sometimes girls just wish that guys would notice when they get a new haircut or if they’re wearing eyeliner.

32. When a girl calls you her loser or her dork, it usually means she’s attracted to you.

33. Girls find it a lot more romantic if you just fall asleep with them holding them with your arms rather than having a night of hot kinky sex.

34. Girls will never say I love you unless you say it first. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to scream it from the top of her lungs.

35. Girls love confidence.

36. Girls don’t like rock-hard guys. They like to know that guys can have a sensitive side too.

37. There comes a time when girls have needs too. Enough said.

38. A girl will cry over you a lot more than you think.

39. A girl’s wounds can last awhile. And when I say awhile, I mean awhile.

40. Girls hate guys who smell bad.

41. When a girl cooks for you, you know you mean a lot to her.

42. Girls don’t like it when you think other women are hot and say it so.

43. Eyeliner is a girl’s essential product. Don’t ever try to take it away from her.

44. Girls hate it, absolutely HATE IT when guys don’t keep their promises. It throws them over the top.

45. Every girl fantasizes about her wedding. Her dress, her flowers, her shoes, her hair. More than you think.

46. Girls hate it when other guys flirt. Yet they flirt themselves too.

47. Girls will save instant message conversations when they like a guy.

48. A phone call, a text message, or a single Hershey’s kiss will mean A LOT MORE than a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates on her birthday.

49. Every girl think she’s pretty in one way or another. They just won’t admit it.

50. Girls are VERY SELF-CONSCIOUS when it comes to their looks. No makeup is a very sensitive topic to them

51. Never EVER flirt with her sibling or bestfriend. There’s this thing called boundaries that actually exist. If you ever do, prepare to die or lose her forever.

52. Be frank about things. Guys are not the only ones who are complicated.

53. Getting a girl jealous might be cute but deep inside they are getting hurt.

54. When you’re replying to a girl’s text message without a smiley continuously, it will give her an idea that you are not interested talking to her. Worse, give her an idea something’s up.

55. Girls love it when a guy pulls her from behind and plants a kiss on her.

56. Girls hate it when guys just stare at them. Talk to her once in awhile.

57. What’s more sexier than a guy playing the guitar? A hot guy play the guitar.

58. Don’t ever compare her to any other female. That would make her more self-conscious.

59. Tell her you love her…

60. And actually mean it.

2009-12-10T00:58:00.002+08:00

Let's start with today(9 dec 09)~ I got MC from work! first time haha!.. Was actually waiting for train to bugis. But supervisor said no need, asked me to rest at home. lol! The feeling at home was so shiok! wooohs!~.. Met up with bebe, derrick and tze at about 7pm. We went to watch a movie 'The Storm' If i didnt rmb the name wrongly! lol! bebe and i had the same thinking of it only can be rated for TWO POPCORNS! Too much computer work. Not nice. lol!. Anw had a great day with bebe in the cinema. HAHA! Trying to throw popcorns? lol! stuffing popcorns into his nose.. haha! guess we're too bored~

8 dec 09: Rmb that afternoon went over to find bebe, it was before my work. Lazing around with him, and time up! We gotta go seperately. He went to school, and me? Of course to report for work. I was kinda unhappy today! I have NO SALES! = No COMMISION! hell! LOL! But lucky my supervisor 'let' me have the last customer, and she helped me to talk while i was learning. OH OH! i forgot to write something! When i was there, there is a lady asking me stainless steel will tarnish anot? LOL! a very funny and weird question isnt it? FOR PPL DUNO! Stainless steel for necklace etc, will not tarnish! lol! I talked like how my supervisor respond. Want to noe ask me.

7 Dec 09: I AM ON OFF! haha! went over to find bebe, and i cried! due to the previous night. Moody mood. Hias!, And i had plans for that day, but just cause of it spoilts everything.

Initial plan of mine: Eating dinner out with u, eps: try out the new KFC black pepper chicken!
DUe to some issues, i asked hannah out for dinner. But lucky everything turns well. He didnt go lan, but eat dinner with me and hannah. After that, we went to west bowl for BOWLING! yeah! Hannah and I 1 lan, and his fren and him another lan!. I hate it when ur bf dun give u the attention that the gf is actually playing. Instead of looking at me, trying to see any way can improve my skills or praise me for strikes/ spares? Hais! really was a disappointment that night~. My nails chipped off guess only hannah noe, and she was the one asking. Really lah!~ Somethings i really feel that female are more careful and more spotful then guys.~

After bowling, hannah and i went for a pool game. Thinking and really hoping that u will join us, but u didnt. But it's true, i should not expect much. Awhile later u come in with ur frens, telling me that lan gaming does not have the game u guys want to play. I wonder, is it god gave me that wonderful and limited time just want you to spend with me? The pool game did not even last for more then 10mins. We proceed to WII! As u ppl should noe, wii is fun!

Guess shall end here, hoped that all the unhappy things can just be washed off~! NIGHT PEEPS!

Sign off(wondering)
~Hamsters are so cute! I want to have hamsters.
~But my parents are opposing!~ hais~

2009-12-06T01:10:00.003+08:00

Such a tiring day! I have finally completed 9hours of WORK! haha! Its really tiring.. Hannah and ray came down to visit me today. =D haha so happy. .. Adding on, its been some time i haven been seeing hannah.. miss her so much i could say.

I start work at 1pm, been talking and trying to 'steal' some skills of how to promote goods to the customer. Haha, but i guess its tough, and really depends on how daring you speak and what you speak. I made a happy sale today. I mixed and match the necklace with a pair of ear-rings, and the customer likes it. I realise this is the feeling that i want to get from today on wards. The feeling of it is really very different from wad i usually achieve, just by saying somethings and there it goes to the customer. =D

Had a very fulling dinner! woots! let me tell u wad i ate!. haha!

1) Mac nuggets meal (upsized)
2) Additional chicken burger
3) Peach yogurt ice-cream

Haha! big eater yeah!? didnt expect myself finishing everything. Wow! really very full! Return home i still got Kai+ uncle's birthday cake and another bowl of dinner! haha It's so fattening!..

My boss was complaining and asking me to go and eat! haha! cause he say i never eat! and why i not hungry?! haha! asking me wad is my weight and complaining wha! why this gal wont grow fat? LOL! haha!

The rest i am too tired to list out. HAHA! Hoped to see some of my frens to come buy jewellery from me! i will recommend good things to you! =D

Sign out( moody)
~Just cried out of the sudden.

2009-12-05T01:48:00.002+08:00

This is so so so long i haven been back here. No time to change skin etc. sorry! I have been working now. At bugis.. haha! selling jewellery.. anyone wants to buy? pls contact me! hehe! Had a very tiring day today!~ though its just 6 hours of work. but it really make me exhausted. Now i am kinda angry, pissed off~ hais~.. everything like my fault. why? wad is on earth? In the beginning, everything i asked for ur opinion, dare not do decisions on my own. First is to respect you, second is worried that i may get scoldings by you! Said by you! But in the end, as in conclusion, all these do happen! I still got said by you, telling you all these seems useless.~ You just choose to ignored and continue with your stuff. Do i even suppose to get all these from you, when i seriously wants to help you? Want the thing to be ready as soon as possible? am i even wrong to make this decision with you? I am seriously losing all my confidence. All thanks to you. wad a sickening day i had today.

sign off( just pissed~)

2009-07-28T22:59:00.003+08:00

Its so tired~~ After weeks and weeks of test, mock exams~~ didnt really do well in either subjects. Sadly to say. I am very worried for my upcoming prelims and O lvls.. Stress are actually piling up. I am trying to avoid the time of studying, always thinking that i know alot of things or practically everything, but when people come and ask me, i start to stumble. It seems so tough, as not easy as what i thought. HAH! Anyway i am studying these days. Example, today i went to jurong library to study~~~ ooo.. i did my amaths there, haha i completed paper 2 =D (with some blanks) keke The paper is managable.! Hais sad thing was, i didnt really study social studies there. It seems like i wanted to start, but my attention are at other directions. Cannot concentrate, maybe its not something i like or something i want and willing to focus on. Forcing myself to study and do ss is something tough i shall say!.

Thursday got english test after school, followed by maths tuition at 530pm-730pm. Its something i got to hold, even though i am tired. I know i can do it, its also a form of study perhaps. Thursday will be a very busy day for me, sadly to say i am so occupied with subjects and test. Thus my thursday is fully booked~~~ haha! Anyway friday i am going to 'play' hard i hoped! haha of course not!~ sTUDY! People always say study hard and play hard.!~ Peer pressure coming from my frens(obviously) its so strong, i somehow couldn't take it, seeing classmates so hard-core, all they know is work work work~ No matter where, free period, lessons which does not interest them, homework and practices is out... Stressful isnt it? I am kinda frightened seeing such states that is actually happenening in my class, i guess i shall be as hard-core as them!~ haha

Tmr (wednesday) : Will be staying back to study and shoot questions~~ haha! I have been doing some practices at home, hais seeing my amaths results dropped trememdously, makes me scared.. Makes my heart wanting to commit suscide. scary~~~ I guess i really got to find a maths tutor to force me to do work. If not that is the end of my life. Seriously. If i get a tutor, next week start lesson!~ I wan to focus more, more more more more more!!!! haha! alright time for me to sleep~~ =D Tmr daddy's fetching me to schooL! yeah!!!! hahah! so happY!~ =D

Sign out( Looking forward for my play day! =D )
~Sunday could be one =D
~Family day out! kekeke!
~Relaxing day although i noe i shouldn't
~HAIS~~~~

2009-07-22T22:30:00.003+08:00

I am not faking or something. It is really so coincidence. I wanted something to happen, just by keeping it to myself, but it dun happen. If no mood to talk etc i wont find it so troubled.. Now it is that i feel troubled.. I am really stressed~ but the person and the thing i hoped for was to talk to u. Even seeing u just a moment. Saw u and ur bus passed by me, that was just a glance. Asking u whether wan me to acc u, cause i wan to see u. I feel stress and unhappy. THings in sch dun seem to have any changes, things seems to be getting worst. Today mother tongue LC, had already made me unhappy. Very tough and i screwed up~ Studied chem for tmr, seems nothing inside.. I really feel stressed~~~ Adding on, tmr after sch got paper 1 english mock exam. Hais~ i cannot grumble but hoped to tell u and allow u to chat with me, to let me feel destress.. But it seems like hoping is really wrong. I dun wan to lie to u, i really feel troubled. I duno why it is so coincidence. I swear~~

Feeling low at a particular time and moment, u're unable to be there for me, it's something u should be sorry about! In the past, ur reason will be : u're in NS cannot be there for u when u need it. But now u're out of it, will these reasons still continues? This really leave a question mark to me. I am feeling tired of all these... How i wish now i have someone else to talk to. Although this statement is not suppose to, but i really hoped sometimes, somethings, someone can really be there for me 24 hrs. Smses may not be the one that can send my msg over. Another question came into my mind, if ur partner is feeling stressed and down, will u still have the mood to enjoy things? yes or no? To me, my ans will be a no. I will prefer to leave wadever i am doing just to make u happy, as long as u get better then i will continue with my things. This is my actions, what will be your's? anyone read this, also can reply and clear my question mark in my shoutout.

Guess this blog became a blog when i am unhappy to post. I guess in the future it will be ur pay back time. I have this thinking which is wrong : since now u're treating me like that, in the future, wadever u done it to me now, future u will eventually experienced it.. I am tryin to do things which i wont like, thus i hoped u wont do it back to me, but it seems like i am wrong. Wadever i am trying to prevent, trying very hard for it not to happen, it does happens. Maybe i shouldnt care so much isnt it? Rmbering myself saying that i am going to open up more. hais.. Just a sudden another question came up: If i were there with u at tennis today, will the result be the same just like now??? i know i cannot be self-fish, but indeed i am very self-fish.. hais~~ anyway things will be gone / vanish after i sleep ( i hoped). Want to sleep early also u say, but in the end never even do it. 说一套做一套！！！！maybe this is how we influenced each other? hais~ Everything u say, u can change it once u forgotten it. In fact, somethings u said, it is not true! ~ isn't it?? Wad quality sleep??? Wad excuses u gave me?? all bullshit??? LOL!. i am asking questions again.~~~

Alright time to revise chem and sleep =D

sign out(stress~~ unhappy~~)
~What can i do to make you listen to me?
~What can you make me not to be self-fish?
~What can i do to make me feel better?
~What can i do to destress???

2009-07-16T21:48:00.002+08:00

I got very confused suddenly.. Just a moment ago, i thought of something bad, just another moment ago, i felt that this will come and end soon. Another another ago, i thought of something is suspicious with u.. Suddenly asked me about OOVOO. Something surely suspicious... AS a imaginative person to hear that, somethignn will be wrong. isnt it? I just got very confused lah..

HEaring things that really hurts me, just feel like ending everything now. Will it be the best choice? Experiencing new things and blamers, blames on me, feelin so low and guilty.. why does all this happen at my last year??? 5 years apart. AGE GAP! i find that many things i am so restricted.. i doing my best not to give u stress.. tryin very hard, to let u feel comfortable.. If all this will happen, knowing it before hand, i wont wan to be ur burden!. Certain times, i find that this relationship is hard to manage, i want to end it. But i noe its something silly to think and do, but i cannot stop myself from thinking. I am no longer as strong as before. It became a habit of depending on u.. I was hoping that by doing some actions, spending money the day will help u lessen ur burden, and ur stress issues, but actually in the end, it dun help!. Do u understand why am i doing all these???

Maybe i should just psycho myself that i have nothing to lose, u're just a man in my life.. shld i?? if its like that, i wouldn't even cared for u.. somethings i just feel that, stress is something that will occur in life, feeling all the blame on me dun feel good! U KNOW! Its something u're stressing me too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Putting everything first in place not only u! Wad else u want from me??? i seriously dun understand.. U going club , i keep myself busy, i do my things and tried to sleep early, hoping u wont noe that i am uneasy, but now u're telling me that u feel that, how can u enjoy!? then wad more u expect from me??? previous/ past, i am like smsing all the time, i want immediate reply, i wan to noe wad u doing, i want to wait till reach home then sleep.. comparing, isnt much better? wad else!!!!??? tell me!!!!!

I shall say everything talks about trust!~ Not only trust, to me, listening, actions and talking is all important factor in a relationship. TRust is not the only thing and the biggest factor!~

i am not at the right mood, sign out!!

2009-07-04T23:37:00.006+08:00

Before make up (above)
After make up ( Below)

Can u see wad my bebe doing?

Finally a proper one is taken! =D
Sch reopen days are kinda bad! i dislike the timetable.. but no choice!!~~ anw not going to talk about it...

TODAY! haha. I am so excited for today! =D in the morning got mock exam for emath. After that, i rushed down to bugis.. make a guess, wad was the reason?! haha!

CONGRATULATION TO (er ge, and er sao )
haha! so happy to see and give my blessing to the newly cpl =D its so nice.. haha! seeng the bride and groom, both are pretty and handsome, makes me really have nothing to say about love, as love really brings alot of happiness to people especially when they are getting married.. Was really excited to see bebe, and the family for the wedding.. =D was kinda weird standing there playing ur touch, but its more weird when ppl gave me strange looking. Rmb there is three things which really make me blush. First was, when i am sitting beside you at the reception area, ur er sao's fren asked, 'erm u are the relative of chris?' i am like.. er... can i say yes? or wad shall i reply? haha! then she guessed it.. =D so i can save the things and embarrassements..

Second thing was, sitting beside one of his relative. He look at me with kinda weird expression, maybe this is how he look, then both of them are chatting, i am like sandwhich between them? haha! When bebe said, oh this is my gf. then the relative asked, 'sure gf anot? or wife? ' lol!? haha! it make me blush! haha! but.. ... ... u noe? haha! Asking next year??? haha

Last thing was, everything ended well and proper, shaking hands are as usual outside the ballroom, after shaking, there is family photo taking... I was stun and blur, duno wad shall i do. Whether to move aside or taking together with u and ur family. As i said its family photo, of course i should be like out of the picture isnt it? But! he asked his sister, the sister replied why not? i blushed! i felt really ps! a whole group of people, or maybe i shall say maybe its my future-in-laws lol!!?? haha! i think too much yea??? hmm... ...

Seeing er sao, so brave to say the speech out all by herself, really make me feel envious about it. Wonder wad was the thing that motivate her, and have the courage to do so.?? Really wonder how does that happen etc.. She is really pretty today.. apity, i didnt take pic during the wedding itself.. but after that are all my zilian pics..=D haha! She is really pretty, and i will always rmb the treatment she said, before marriage its princess treatment, after marriage is maiid treatment.

Talking to her personally, its actually good, she make me open up to her and willing to chat more with her. Just a pity, today its her big day, thus she have many more frens and relatives to talk too... haha! Congrats once again! =D

Sign out(tired_ but happy_ but lovely.. )

2009-06-24T23:41:00.004+08:00

Yst the 23 june... First i should wish kiat a happy birthday.. =D hoped u enjoyed ur day yst.. haha.. Went to Jurong point to get ur birthday present.Thinking what will you like, but it seems nothing that please me, nothing which i like. I decided to go downstairs guess the first level of Jurong Point. Went down with gal and kiat, went into this small little shop, something just spot me. I love it, but i am unsure will u like it. It actually cost me a bomb, but i would not mind its due to the love that i had for you. If i really see something i like, that i am going to give it to you, the price is the price where i can afford, i would not mind to spend everything on you. People may think that i am silly, but i am not, i am just putting myself into a deeper relationship i guess. Mummy everytime say, i will eventually die in relationships, i will die in the world of L.O.V.E. I told her, i will have control in myself, but actually i cannot stop myself for going any deeper. Thus anything between us, small quarrals, i will eventually get hurt. I don't want to express out, cause i don't want you to know that i am actually very weak.. I am just a spoiled princess in my family. I do not need to work for things that i wanted. I ask, i will get it.. Lets get back to what i did yst. After jurong point, i went down to upper thomson to pick my bebe up. I took an hr of bus from JP to toa payoh.. lol.. it is kinda silly i know, but the timing is still early. Who know's he ended early, so he came over from his school to toa payoh hdb hub. WEnt to orchard, actually i dun feel really good, was very weak to walk further, but just in front of you, kept saying i am alright. I don't want you to worry, i don't want you to be unable to go TAKA, so i kept saying i am alright.

Today the 24 june: Wake up kinda late due to drowsness of medications. Do homework again and again. I got so bored of homework suddenly. Went out to watch TRANSFORMERS. It's a nice show, i encourage people to go watch it. haha. Ened, went to get sushi and eat downstairs the block opposite of mine, had a great time with you. Thank you. Went home, started my war with my homeworks. Managed to finish a amaths paper 1 of a school, and my physics. YEAH! i completed physics and geography for school homework! =D i left with Social studies, chemistry and english. I can do it. Tomorrow i am going to do my Social studies! completing everything of ss for tmr! i can do it! =D maybe english too. =D I am not sure about my capability whether i can or not. Anyway, my day for today is really short. Just a moment ago, i just wake up, another moment later, i am already in the cinema. Followed by home, doing homework. Time really files.. Really move very quickly. Next week is the school reopening, i cannot wait for my O lvls to come, i cannot wait to throw all my books away. I cannot wait to see how much freedom i will get after O lvls. 3 more months later, i will be free like the birds flying in the sky! =D

Was very unhappy in the night. That is why i decided to switch on my lappy again and start to blog. Don't intend to write in here, but just to say, i am unhappy.. really unhappy. Maybe i shall say some, first thing first. Asking you tomorrow want me to go down to pick you up? U said don't want. I just want to see you, see your school so simple, nothing much, but u just rejected me.. I do not know things about your life now in university. If you know me well, i will be thinking is there something so secretive that i cannot see , somethings so protective about??? Maybe more ridiculous, did you just have new girlfriend in your school?? Wanted to ask you questions about your school, it seems like you do not even want to answer my questions. After asking one, the topic can drag or change to another. Hais!~~~.. I really wonder, what is wrong with me. What is wrong with me. Or is there really something you are trying to hide from me. hais~~~~ Can somebody just tell me what is wrong with me???

If not can somebody, just stab a knife in my heart, let me bleed to death. I don't want to bring trouble to YOU! I don't want to keep thinking negatively. I don't want.. Its really very tiring.. hais~~~ I hate times to be alone~~ Its the only time where i will think alot at that particular moment.. Is talking in the night can be very boring? Don't know what to talk about?? Keeping silent throughout helps??!! CAN YOU JUST TELL ME!? hais~~

sign out(mood swing)
~emotional...
~What is really wrong with me?
~Really not cheating me?
~You taught me not to trust you.

2009-06-19T21:50:00.002+08:00

WOOTS!~~~ haha just nice 10 days passed i shld say.. =D well i shall start with my genting trip.. sitting in the car for like 5 hrs?? its kinda boring.. been thinking of wad can i do for my performance.. been listening to the music again and again.. trying to get the hang of it.. In the car, didnt really sleep much.. U shld noe, their roads are so bumpy.. haha.. not nice to sleep.. been like sitting with mummy and baby at the backsit while YC sit infront with daddy. Travelling there with my ah yi and the family, adding on with my dad's fren and his family. so its like adding up we have a total of 14 ppl ? haha mostly are children. Reached Genting at about 3++ pm, was waiting for check in, while i secretly smsed u. haha... walked around th hotel after checking in, had a very early dinner buffet.. cant eat much i didnt noe why.. recently my appitite like getting smaller and smaller.

Second day comes, was at the outdoor theme park the whole day.. playing and playing and playing. haha! had fun for the the rides.. sitting on the spider man one, MY GODNESS! my hairband fell and gone MIA! i cannot find.. that one make me so unwell.. cause me to feel dizzy and feel like puking.. YUCKS!~~ the space shot rocks! haha! its so cool and nice.. especially the feeling when it drop down! WOOOOA! haha went back to indoor and started to shop and shop! haha! cool leh! fun!!! haha... got a bag for myself.. haha! =D indoor theme park i played the archade.. been playing BB throughout all games.. me and my bro managed to win a giraffe soft toy and a face towel for my mum and baby brother.. Thanking mummy being the hardship one taking care of the baby throughout the three days and two nights.!~

Last Day, check out... haha! went to KL , daddy's office to take a look and daddy do some settling stuff and we head back to JB, for dinner! haha! yum yum! haha! after dinner there i am back in SINGAPORE! ahha!
Guess the trip ends here.. =D

Our One Year anniversary reached... Time really files... haha.. i really enjoyed the times with u.. the days, months, mins... thank u so much for bringing me joy and excitements.. Surprises..=D just love how the way u gave me. Love the presents u made for me.. the roses u had drawn, the collage that u had made... Thank u very much.. for everything.. =D hoped everything is alright and u enjoyed.. haha! i am tryin to build confidence =D haha! u shld noe wad i am tryin to say.. i have nothing to blog about it. Just wan to say HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!~ =D

once again :

HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!~~
THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING
LOVE U BEBE! =D

sign out(happy~~~)
~WHOLE LOADS OF HW WAITING!
~I LOVE U! =D
P.S: Pictures from facebook. TY

2009-06-08T23:10:00.004+08:00

08 JUNE 2009! HAHA!
its my birthday! haha i am so happy about it =D haha

Morning went for SSS! stupid!? its like so bored lah sitting alone at the table, i dun even noe whether can i ask my frens about the things i duno.. lol!? stupid right? i dun like it.. tmr last day of my SSS haha! then the rest i going for my SP course.. haha! so who cares.. haha!.. tmr going to have tuition for like 4hrs???!!! my godness!!! hais! i will die lor.. sure very tired de...

Afternoon went out with bebe.. haha! had so much fun till like dinner time.. haha!.. in the bus also funny.. started some thingy which i dun often do.. hais! i lose my bett.. sian!! haha! but i guess i am looking forward to it.. haha! lol? i duno anything about it ...

Dinner at home! haha granny bought everything.. yummy! haha! i am so happy! haha at least when cutting cake everyone is around.. i am so happy.. haha! but seriously thank you ppl! =D

People to thank :
*Gwen, Audrey, Kai Xin, Joel, Nurul
(for the domo thing.. haha i like it very much! =D)

*Kennth Hong
(The mug, photo and hand-made card =D)

*BEBE
(For everything includes today, and yst.. the perfume, rose, tweety.. haha )

*Jie min, Kiat, Karanina
(For the 'ang bao' haha. )

*Family members for all the things =D

THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR EVERYTHING.. =D I APPRECIATE IT.. AND I LOVE IT!!! =D

sign out( happy day! )

2009-06-07T23:05:00.003+08:00

WEEE haha about a month i have never blog.. =D haha! started to be very lazy about blogging.. just came back from study camp like yst? haha! i had fun in the study camp, thanks alot to the commitees.. =D thanks for organinsing such camps.. haha! i had fun and i guess i had bond with my frens yea? =D haha!

TODAY (7june09): haha! went to zoo like early morning 8 am.. haha met bebe at 830 over at dover mrt.. there we go to CCK to eat our breakfast.. haha! had a full mac breakfast, talking about some fake korean.. lol?? haha then talk about the missing plane guess u all noe about it right?? its scary.. wor.. Took bus no. 927 to MANDAI! haha! there we go zoo zoo zoo... how about you you you??? =D haha! took many pic.. up to about 94 pictures.. haha!

Reach zoo.. haha see so many ppl! i sian haha! but at least i never give up! i still wait for my turn for my admission ticket...haha i am so happy.. later post some pics on haha see lotz of animals.. haha cool cool! haha anw i enjoyed my day today.. thanks.. haha! thanks bebe! =D love u! haha

Tmr Its my birthday... sadly to hear that i gotta go sch! hais! i gotta go sch for my wad SSS thingy! stupid! i dun wan to go lor.. i wan to enjoy my day.. hais! stupid! anw tmr ahha! i going for dinner =D so happy! dinner dinner! haha! alright i gotta go... night night!

sign out(happy~)

2009-05-14T20:39:00.002+08:00

Today: Tired day!!!! wooohooo! got ready to leave house, there goes the heavy rain! hell heavy! hais.. first time so called as carry umbrella to sch man! haha was like wearing ur jacket and holding umbrella walking.. there goes my shoe!!! hais! so wet! bought new socks man! haha! Gotten back physics paper! FLUNG! MY GODNESS! sian!!!...

Was actually very angry in the morning when i never receive any sms last night.. for telling me that u're home.. At least informing me that u're safetly home.. i got the sms in the morning.. saying u're home etc etc... asking me why i never sms u, of course i would say i am angry.. etc.. wad can i say??? Upon hearing that u kinda gotten a food poisoning, things in my mind just went blank wanting to meet u... But when i meet u , things gets different. Thinking alot of things, such as my results, wad i was angry with. etc... I was really furious that u never learn ur lesson.. hais.. this is something which i am really really... ... ... duno how to explain.

Was sleeping, till u went down to see doctor i also duno. Was dreaming things which kinda similar happened.. its scary.. saw someone which u told me things about her.. etc. wad u wanted to do blah blah... was feeling alright lah.. its worth seriously. =D Having stomach flu is a terrible thing, as i experienced it before.. The feeling sucks man!

ANW take care.. tmr got sch and tuition after that, sure get killed!!! my amaths so many careless mistake.. i could have gotten maybe a B or a A! MY GODNESS! and now i ended up with a C5! sian!!!!....

sign out(take care)

2009-05-13T22:12:00.003+08:00

Today, gotten back chem and english... hais! sob! i failed english!... but i passed chem! =D ahha! its a boarder line pass.. =D at least is better then fail... after sch went to jurong point with KS, JOEL, and we ate lai lai.. haha! yummy!~~ Meet gwen there, with her parents and sister. Went walking around finding things... Making things.. and buying things... waited for at least an hour for the item... Before making it, thinking that it will take weeks to be able to obtain it, but who noe's haha! one hour can take le.. =D so good! haha! the result wasnt so nice after all.. but i cant do anything le... the person made the second piece for me, and its slightly better... just hoped u will like it when u receive it next month... =D

So currently my room is out of order for u.. haha! ( if u come over to my house). The whole day was thinking wad will u be doing in the night with ur frens? Today its also ur ORD! =D haha!... was asking u the whole day, u asked me this, 'why do i keep asking?' of course i wan to noe wad will u all be doing and going... U said ' if i noe where we will be going, i will let u noe.' alright.. listening and waiting for the time to pass 9. Thinking that after meeting all 2 of ur frens u will sms me telling me that where will u all be going.. but it seems like i have been waiting for an hour? still i dun get any ans. I guess its useless asking for it anymore.. Since u dun even rmb wad u told me that u will do it. Its somehting which i am kinda angry lah..

There is times with ur frens, u also said there still must have communications between us. Even the reply is longer? slower..Things i asked u like 'guess will not be talking tonight right?' giving me a hope of maybe.. still waiting... so are we? Suddenly been very sensitive towards all these things that u have done. All these small little things that u said and u didnt do. All these things becomes a matter to me.. Wad can i say??? Been holding myself back not to sms u.. not to remind u.. But i really cannot take it but to write it here. Something which... ... i also duno wad to say.

I am very tired today... All the results, all the studies, all the shopping of things, buying of things, walking around??? make me tired.. really.. still waiting for smses, telling me things that u said u will do.. should i just go to bed? or should i continue waiting? I am upset... I guess the time comes, i will have the ans..

这是不是叫做走一步是一步？完全不知道后果是如何。真的在想，一直想。。。想了又想，越来越累。。我到底是否能去睡觉呢？还是该等候你的讯息？？？回到家会不会通知我一声呢？还是无动于衷地睡自己的大觉呢？？？（认为这一些事情都是小事？都是多余的呢？）收不收到你的简讯代表了一件事情。。。有可能明天我就会跟了解你是否明白我所说过的话，彻底的理解我的感受。。。

大家晚安。
(突然失去了所有对你的信任，失去了你所给我的安全感。）
真是不知如何是好。
sign out(upset)

2009-05-12T21:39:00.002+08:00

Today: In sch was so tiring.. so sleepy!... ZZZZ haha! so tired... i am like kinda dead in sch??? =D haha! got back 2 papers.. .both emaths and amaths.. damn sian!... lol! haha! anw over le lah.. haha!..

Eating at Koufu around ur area.. =D then seeing u painting ur gate.. haha! so cute.. =D Was reading some bloggys and i felt so pissed... ! basturd.. its somehting over near a year, why must u just keep it at ur mouth? things can be resolved, things can be easier for u, why must u just make urself difficult??? If u think, by writing all this can make the other party feeling guilty etc, then fish off! u're making someone important to me feeling that way.. wad for? those it benefits u? when u dun even bother or noe things about him? lol! seeing things u wrote, i was kinda angry.. if its over, why must u think of her? thinking how is she? loL! Does that mean she mean alot to u till now, u cant forget the way u both are???

Reading it, i am furious... trying to keep shut!.. trying not to think so much.. the way i read things i may misunderstood, so if i am wrong pls correct me. Its just something being harshed down, at the beginning, u are sure to be at lost.. its a confirm thing. THAN PICK URSELF UP! freak! i am super furious!... Pickin urself up meaning to be independently stand up urself.. not with the help of some calm voices... LOL!? Somethings just gotta learn from the start.. How can i not think??? Hatered is there, yes.. but not to that extend.. if u're really wanting to let go, there must not have hatered.. understand? freak! However i just feel like scolding lots of things out.. but i cant.. its someting that the more i scold, the more i say, the more angry i will get..

Having a new bf, stop thinking of the things he had hurt u!.. freak start a new fresh lah!.. u also noe fresh fresh fresh.. knowing relationship like a tea pot.. than??? u should be stronger and better than me... i guess only he will noe. ANW, i cant stop u from wad u wan to write in ur blog, i cant stop u from doing anything, u have ur own rights and freedom.. but not this way to make someone feel guilty! U want to slap him, u gotta ask my permission!.. *****

!@#$%^&*()**&^$#$!%^&*#(*(&*%^@#$%^&*()@*^%^!$#%!%#%!$%@$!%&@$!%!%^#%!*&^#(*!&)&#%*!#%&!^#!!#!#!#)**&(*^(&#%^*#

Just stop thinking back of him and u.. hatered.. stop it!!! dun u feel tired? are u nuts or wad??? Hatered its something tiring to have in u.. It controls ur mind of wad u going to do. It will break u down easily.. so why bother havin hatered?? and must be such a strong one!?

*sigh* posting so much, but none is about me.. i only can say, ur freedom.

sign out(FURIOUS!)
~No explanations needed.
~Freedom is yours.

2009-05-09T22:46:00.003+08:00

Didnt post any these week, cause i am having exams! MID YEAR EXAMINATIONS! so have no time to blog. everyday study and sleep.. haha! like that lor.. sian right? so tired! overall the exams are alright, but i am afraid of getting back the results.. hoped i have improve my chem, eng, amaths, and emaths.. =D geog and ss too.. aiya everything lah =D haha!

Lets talk about today! Its a long day for me.. morning wake up, preparing to do cheese cake.. i had the whole day doing it.. so tiring.. after that got dinner at vivo! =D its bebe's family celebrating an advanced mother's day. Eat and Eat.. i duno why.. haha! so full when i got home! YEAH! my fav. dessert, almond with longan! =D hehehehhee! ate bebe's almond jelly too! haha! so i got 2 portions! haha! i am so tired.. I AM BROKE! ahhhh! again! i die le lah! cheeky! naguhty! hahahaha!

so tired.. alright i going to grab my sleep! night night!!!

2009-05-02T22:45:00.002+08:00

Hmm.. wad i did today was, tuition first and then i went out for movie! hehe! X MEN@ wooohooos! so many ppl.. loL! its free sitting.. freak! haha! reached there OMG! so many ppl! not in line wanting to go in..! ppl noe me, when i am in the crowd i wad i will normally do... argH! so pissed.. haha! who cares... in the theatre, so big! woo! lol.. the show was nice.. showing how it started.. and ends.. with no memories.. ... ... i feel so tired suddenly... really tired... really... as though i been to some running or so.. reaching home.. having all the convesations.. eating sundae in the night.. =D haha so sweet! ~~~

Yst: went out with mei, kiat, and nina.. =D to marina square.. hehe so called as celebrate her birthday... bought mummy's mother day gift! ahha! i feel so happy! feel so excited to give her.. and indeed i gave her once i reached home seeing her, charging the things and so.. hehe! it suppose to be next sunday, but i showed her yst.. oopsy! haha! i bought her a ZEN MOZAIC haha! wooow! made my decision on 2GB. 4GB pink is not in stock around local! sad to hear that... tired! night there is house warming at ah yi's house... thought it would be interesting.. but it turns out.. .bleah...???? dun like! lucky got bebe with me.. then mummy chatting in canto with ah yi ... i understand, its funny to see u unable to understand wad they talking about.. blah blah lah... haha...

Trying to be happy in post for today =D hoped u like the way i dress for today.. do i look weird? =P i also duno.. feel so tired.. tired tired... ... ... tmr study day! =D study study study!!! heh heh!..

sign out(tired... )
~Monday mid-year le!!!..
~I stress! worried... haha!
~But i somehow feel other way either..
~hmmm.... .... ... ....

2009-04-29T22:55:00.000+08:00

Only wish to talk about today.. hais.. feeling so moody after receiving chem test.. it was something that brought me to the bottom of the well.. thinking that, the only think i noe its to study but not about applying it into the qns. Ms Thio also said this.. it was something that i need to work on it.. something which i really need help with.. just out of a sudden, being alone at home after a long day, feel so lonely.. was hoping to talk to u, but it seems late.. Thus i decided not too.. Having injuries, makes me hear pain.. seeing u bearing the pain, makes me heart ache... i have nothing to say but to stay with u... It was so down when i really obtain my marks.. seeing results being the same for both sciences, make me more worried for the upcoming mid year examination. I am not afraid of english, amaths and practical (i guess) but i am afraid for my emaths, phy, chem and geog.. it seems more, or indeed it is! Haven been doing emaths practice ever since beginning of the year i suppose? Been focusing alot on amaths.. hais...

Today at tuition, the tutor is overboard.. idiot! i cant stand him.. no comments for it... Hais! i duno wad to say but i noe that i am moody! i feel like bursting out with tears, and really have something to cry on... I feel tons of stress on me... I wonder isit the stress i gave myself is too large that i cant breathe. The emotions that i gave myself.. isit un-controllable? how come i feel so burden.. i feel so heavy in me.. I am giving myself too high expectations??? OR WAD!?? i wan to find the reasons! i wan to face everything now.. better then in the later part, where my O lvl is coming... hais...

Its the second day not talking to u. although u're free now to talk, but i just cant bring myself to talk to u with laughter and freeness.. if i dun talk, there is nothing going on through the phone but just the heavy breathing of both of us. Maybe that is all for today. i am tired.. yet doing work.. doing my own maths revision. i somehow dun feel like sleeping.. but to do tons of work! but i am falling asleep in class nowadays.. i am worried.. hais!.. today shall not eat medicine. Hopefully tmr will be better.. =D

Sign out( moody)
~IF u happen to read this, its just the feeling of today.
~U may enjoy urself today, but i am suffering..
~How i wonder if i can change position with u just for toady...
~How i wish, how i really wish.. how i really really wish...
~to sleep well tonight.

2009-04-17T22:04:00.001+08:00

Today! bebe is finally back! =D hehe! i am so happy! update more tmr..! gtg sleep! tmr got mock exam for chinese!!! ahhhh!

2009-04-16T20:58:00.002+08:00

Its the second day for me to survive without u around.. and i made it.. A surprised called came not long ago.. its unknown, thinking whether who is calling me from overseas... I picked it up, whow! It's u... at first ur voice sound weird, i cant really think of who u're as my brain is dead.. but of course my bebe's voice i cant forget it. talking to u its and relaxment for me. i enjoy it and it make me relax... i am allowed to pour things out of my heart... anything that i am not feeling right, u're always there for me..

An sms came not long after i hang the call up.. saying that or i should say asking me what had happened... ans is i am very stressed up these few days. Homework is piling up, study stress is here.. tmr got emaths test.. hais... i am afraid that i will fail.. its something horrible.. Today have two remedial one after another. First was geog, followed by chem. Its very tiring to cope really.. how i wish i am younger. no need to experience such things..

In sch: telling and complaining about wad happened yst.It's terrible! wth! as gwen said, total of 4 person asking me to quit! heard me quit! but i dun wish too. i like his teaching way but not the attitude i receive. hais.. just things make it alot alot more tough understanding for me...

In Heart: are u doing well there? =D hoped u have fun!.. Somethings make me happy is to received ur call.. calling me.. saying things that i love to here... Its just a short call. tmr u're coming back. i just hoped so much to see u tmr. but i cant. the next day hais! chinese mock exaM!!! its something i can be stressed about too... i wan to obtain a better result this time round, although its a mock exam. i will and want to treat it seriouslY!..

Miss u so much lah.. hais! normal days less smses from u is enough le.. i feel so weird le... now u go overseas is like one day 1-5 sms??? hais!!! argh! i going crazy soon! =D haha! its one day!!! one more day! =D aha! how was the reminder? fun!? =D heh heh...

sign out(tired... )
~I am busy studyin now..
~Doing chinese hw.
~Studying for emaths.

2009-04-15T21:24:00.002+08:00

Today is the day where bebe goes to genting with his 3 frens. Its very unbearable to let him go.. i cant bear to let him go overseas which i cant really contact him for the next 3 days 2nights. Its kinda so used to recieve his sms and calls now and then... time flies lah.. really.. knowing that he is going to genting when i am in vietman, est a month ago. There goes a month. Its very fast.. Geog day! i understand everything i learn today! for today, i fell in love with GEOGRAPHY! its so cool and nice! Maths is dropping.. hais! i wonder wad can i do? the homework from sch and tuition homework is piling up.. very heavy burden and stress i have from both tuition and sch.. of course including myself... Stress Stress Stress! so stressful!

Anw i am really going to keep myself busy for these few days when u're away, in order to keep me concentrated... Having arranged plenty of remedials after sch... TMR: Geog followed by chem..
Friday: CHinese.. Saturday is chinese mock exam.. i scared... i feeling afraid now.. seriously.. its like something i no longer have faith and confidence in. something tough to pick up again. Oh YAH! haha good news! i got Both distinction for my english and chinese oral! =D cool! haha!
gtg bye! i got homework and sleep to go.. =D

sign out(Stress and missing... )

2009-04-09T20:08:00.002+08:00

Its been so long ever since i blog.. isit??? Tournament everything came to an end.. everything is kinda slowly back to normal.. happy things are back.. =D reunited haha! love it!!! I have no idea why this few days, i have very big tummy, and i am very hot tempered.. i am sorry for those whom i shoot and scolded without any reasons.. i will try to control... SO SORRY!

Went fusion with peeps.. haha! had fun.. today i went again with bebe.. =D it doesnt seem pleasing.. fire is burning in my tummy! rolling, the more i say, the more firey it is...! duno lah! haha! hais!
saying somehtings which makes me blush, i just turned and walk away.. i thought u would stop there and wait for me.. asking me to come along.. but who noe's u continue walking.. wad the freak!?was even more firery! gosh! but at least u did stop at the other area.. waiting for me..

TMR going to Ms yeo party! haha! cant wait to see ms yeo! miss her so muchy! haha! duno wad to wear.. dun wad is proper to wear... sad right? haha! duno lah! see hwo! anw i am burning now.. bye! =D

sign out(argh! )

2009-03-28T23:29:00.002+08:00

Friday: went to ... ... brought maid there, and she stayed over.. hais.. leave, feel like crying... u came to pick me up.. thanks bebe!.. =D

Today: sat.. morning went out... went to search fun.. things to play. things to do... =D was a happy day... but soon night fall.. we went to lot 1, and went to that area... i would not use again, cause i hate using again.. especially when i am crying, ppl use the word why are u crying AGAIN!? i hate it seriously.. sorry no link ar.. okay continue. Was afraid u would be bored, doing nothing.. seriously.. U are so great for setting the tv.. whoa! didnt noe u're so great know so much things =D happy to have u as mine.. =D haha! ... leaving the place going home.. things happen lah.. i am petty... and i noe that ... or i should say that its not my day to play such things ba.. and i didnt mean it.. its not ur fault its mine.. i just cant control my emotions.. doing things that i feel its not right, only after things had happen.. Things i cant accept.. i also duno wad to say.. or i should say, some way u're still a kid.. in some where some time, u act like a kid.. which is funny and cute.. someway u act like a kid... which is unbearable but to be angry..

Beginning, i wanted to keep silent and not to say anything, but i realise that it will be in my heart till tmr or i should say till the day i say things out. It may feel not right to you, but i still got to say it. This is how we used to be last time, in the past. Its always you are the one telling me all this, now is it my turn? is it right to be mine turn to tell you all this? I don't know how to express my feelings, but through emotions.. i will be learning, give me some time. *Play smart* *You won't get to find out de* *You would not know de* *I will change for the better, and only for you* *Only you*

sign out(feeling low)
~Can i just say sorry?
~Will u accept it?
~Hoped everything EVERYTHING! will be fine tmr.. or 1month later.

2009-03-23T23:09:00.003+08:00

Yst night is the most terrible night ever!!! yst evening i went to watch coming soon! the horror movie! my godness!! its so scary.. but no story line.. like that lah... i got scared!!! i am like frightened??? haha! U said i am slow.. after a second of the thing appearing then i jeerk! haha! then i jump ,grab, and scream??? =D night time, the whole night could not be able to sleep! my godness!!! once i close my eyes, i thought of the show!... i never really sleep the whole night!.. hearing things.. but its not things.. its true... just that i kept it as a secret... somethings a confidential.. =D

today! the first day of sch..=D haha was so fun and slack lah! haha.. emaths, chinese, phy, pe, cc and the rest of time its like free? =D haha! hearing somethings during pe.. and i was sad.. seriously sad... i cant do much.. but to send a sms.. saying to come back.. the whole day was having headache.. hais!... pain!~~~ argh!~~... training, brain like so heavy and full of blood inside... clot there! ahhhh.... hate that feeling.... blood rushing up ur brain... reach home, heard things, listen to things, and i cried.. there goes the water tape being turned on... was on for a moment, went down to meet u, and its was on like for at least an hr?? its just something bad, and sad... i dun wish to further explain.. but hais.. i dun wish to talk about it.. i hoped the day where everyone can be like the past, its going to be the best ever thing that i wished for...

I JUST love the both of u.. can u dun... ... ... hais!..~

sign out(unhappy, very upset!)
~Adding on, tons of homework!!!~~~
~Very unhappy~~
~Water tap is still on... hais!
~Its hurting me..
Nothing is wrong between me and my bebe! dun misunderstand..

2009-03-21T23:20:00.002+08:00

yeah! haha! yst was fun! the birthday party rocks man! haha! the day wasnt fun.. cuase i got tuition plus i am sick! damn sian lah!.. wad can i do??? haven start my hw yet.. DIE! haha! the night was fun! but dun think wan to elaborate... those with me will noe.. its just surprises! haha! cc.. ^^ walking.. C again.. haha! the whole night C, H! HAHA.. its so addictive lah! my godness.. hoped there is next time to do it and have such party again! =D

Today, went to town with u, went to some archarde at parklane.. aha! saw shimin there.. so shocking while i playing game.. after game, went to play pool.. i noe nothing about it... so its like.. ... yah! haha! went to PS walked around then went to the archade again! haha@ played bb! so addicted again! so cool lah!. haha! soon gtg... hais!.. just love the weather today... walk in the rain but its shelted with rain splashing in, its so nice.. haha! no one no wad we did.. haha! wxcept ppl walkin pass us will noe... haha =D
anw i am happy! =D haha! nights! gtg dad is nagging my godness! haha! bye!

sign out(happy, tired)
~first time...
~today the weather so hot!!!
~I sweat like nuts...

2009-03-18T20:49:00.002+08:00

HEY PEEPS! i am back from vietman! haha! hehe! so fun coming back!!! =D i cna see my bebe! =D haha! i duno where to start for my trip! =D i just have fun during the campfire night and the last night of vietman =D haha! okay lah... anw i missed my bebe alot alot alot!~ saw him in airport.. so cute finally see my bebe! =D gals was like ... haha! cause i hugged him... so long never see him and hug him... =D anw i am fun! i love it.. hais.. actually i getting more emotional now... better stop le lah D=

Know many more frens from vietman... its nice knowing all my new frens.. =D thanks peeps! love u guys man! =D

sign out( ~~)

2009-03-08T20:39:00.002+08:00

wad to type leh? i just duno wad to write out of a sudden... recently things came and go.. bad things come, and there it goes.. dun wish to further detail it.. just very unhappy.. cried, sad... etc... days and days... each pass... hope u're well and safe there in a new place... hais... say something happy now...

FRIDAT!: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MS YEOW! =D haha! had a great day... before sch start all the way till end sch, till 5plus haha me and kenneth was like discussing how to make a surprise day for her!haha! was like thinking and planning... finally after sch, went lunch with her, and kinda late for training haha! lol? but its okay, hannah was in sch! =D haha! happy!~~ eat already, i went for training, and kenneth went to get a slice of cake for MS YEOW! haha.. so cute leh both of us.. think and think... =D haha! then share cake haha! =D cool! leh..hoped she had a great dinner and a great birthday ever this year which is the last year, i can celebrate with her in sch =D

TODAY! : haha early morning went to my 'STUDY GRP' haha i had fun! =D thanks alot.. went there see sales.. intend to get something for granny to cheer her up, and as a birthday present for her, but... ... nvm lah! some other day... so tired today! lol... guess only the person all time with me noe why i am so tired... first time.. and i feel so jelly! OMG! haha!! so weak lah! ... hahah!... going to fly off soon... counting down to wed.. flying off to vietman for service learning.. hais!... sad! how i wish i can split into two now.. guess wont be seeing u on wed.. the day that i am flying off.. hais!... hoped the day that i am back, i get to see u, or the following day!!!! haha! hais!... sob!~~~... hoped u blogged! i haven open the letter =D i am guai! haha!

sign out(miss...~~)
~Packed my stuff le...
~Seems full...
~HAIS! dun feel like going off...

2009-03-02T16:49:00.002+08:00

Today, its a bad day for me, and a surprising day for me.. It starts all from yst.. cooked some magi, and make my tummy upset since yst.. try different way of cooking.. and ended up failed!~
Morning wake up, tummy already pain pain le.. start sch also pain... but just as it, the pain goes off soon.. Recess time.. i ate a bowl of prawn mee... and it didnt really feel my tummy. I never had enough time to digest, and went for a 2.4km run.. its like.. out of the gate, not even wad.. i didnt even noe start le.. then i just ran.. lol!? my prawn mee is like in my tummy, as though washing machine spinning and washing my dirty clothes... lol!? wtH! its like i ran one round, the mee is like coming out??? intended to stop.. after a round, and i really did.. i started to walk.. i realise, i walked i feel more giddy, and feel like vomitting.. its worst! but i cant continue anymore.. hais!...

Finally, 2.4km run had ended... of course i passed.. but almost failed i think?? =D walk slowly up and walk around.. feel like fainting but never... just feel like vomitting.. really... tummy really spinning fast... when i am calm, i sat on the ground, soon, there goes my mee coming out.. ran to the toilet, and vomitted everything out.. gosh.. my mouth tasted like full of prawn mee... =D drink water, everything came out again.. hais!.. Signed out... thanks gals for helping me.. =D

Home, shower and lay on my bed for a moment.. then time to see the doctor lor... so afraid to get jab by her... feeling giddy, went to get sweets, while chewing it, was throwing my wrapper away.. bending down.. then a familiar shoe came, i rasied up my head, OMG! its u! haha so surprising! =D at the moment i thought i am sleeping.. or day dreaming. u gave me a pinch adn i realise its not!... haha! so happy... u send me home first, went down to eat alone, then u came back up to acc. me.. =D i am happy.. very happy..

Kept asking me to sleep.. and i am afraid that u will leave without me noticing especially when i am asleep.. while i dreamt of me wearing white dress dancing on the grass patch, with u.. its like so happily there, but suddenly just a feeling of it, came telling me that u left already.. i immediate open eyes, u really not there.. i thought i am dreaming.. i closed tight and open again.. u're really gone... at the moment, felt like crying looking for my spect, and read ur note that u left.. hais!.. its so sad.. i almost cried.. but thanks bebe to be there for me =D ur jacket is with me.. =D haha.. duno why, when u're there, with ur smell or so, i can sleep fast and soundly.. duno lah.. maybe i am too attached to u le...

Wad had happen, it appears seems like a dream, and u left just like wad my dream had left me.. sadly to say... i just cant help myself but to drop abit of tears.. u may think its so drama.. but when it happen on u, different thing le.. anw i got 2days mc.. maybe not going to sch tmr.. will see how =D if i am better then i will go.. =D thanks ppl! thanks bebe...

sign out(tired, hurts, pains.. spinning!!!)
~Thanks pals for helping me..
~Thanks bebe for being there for me today...
~Surprises and dream that u brought to me today...

2009-02-28T20:45:00.002+08:00

<- medals! =D

hmmm this week is a busy week.. hais.. also sian!... lets start!... had many matches.. and of course thursday, i went to obtain my 4th medals! haha! my south zone medals! =D wheeee hehe!!! so happy till i cam-wore alot! =D

Friday: had training... also had lao sai!!! idiot! tummy hurts!.. hais... NIGHT TIME: had bad things.. hais.. arguements with u.. which lasted for very long.. things i dun get it.. things u need an ans.. hais.. i duno lah.. in fact i never cry.. or i did abit... but not as much as before... just the feeling and my heart being stabbed.. been thinking and thinking.. i cant sleep.. slept at 5am.. but sleep, keep wakin up.. scratching myself.. i also duno wad i doing in the night.. just felt very unhappy...

today: went to ur house and slack.. studied throughout the journey to travel.. like that... reached and watched the show that i had requested... TITANIC! haha watched.. and it lasted for more then 3hrs.. so long.. watch till i sian!.. haha! disturb u.. hehe!! aiya i duno how to explain.. but its just so nice.. hehe!... noe and understand how it works.. found something nice.. but.. once only.. hais! sad!!!... u were also trying to look for it i guess.. did u??? before meeting u, was like very unhappy.. i duno wad to say and do.. was like i duno how to express myself infront of u.. duno lah.. see u, been hugged and... so its like okay lah.. suan le..

anw i enjoyed the day... still kinda upset... hoped to recover soon...

sign out(=D)

2009-02-22T19:02:00.003+08:00

Lets skip wad is on for 16,17,19,20... haha! start with 18~~

18Feb: The whole day was like sian.. haha study study study.. .after that went home to shower then audrey's house for tuition!... after tuition, went to ghim moh.. haha! meet bebe there.. so happy.. upon waiting, been thinking wad will he be wearing.. hahaa.. but it turns out elsewise.. its alright =D blah blah blah... i enjoyed a great day receiving ur flower.. haha! yeah!!!!!!!

21Feb: SAT!! haha morning waked up at 6 am.. about there and fell back to sleep till about 7am.. haha! was preparing to go for bebe's camp.. to visit his camp.. haha! so fun.. was like so happy.. when i reached there, into the lecture room sitting down with him and his parents... haha... was like so silent lah me.. hhaa! Guess who i saw!? haha! i saw Ms Lee BW.. haha! LOL!? her husband and her.. cuase her husband is a officer iguess? not sure.. haha! so ps.. at the moment she never sees me.. aha! bebe said he noe her husband as they were working tgt.. haha! loL!?

Soon, the commander i guess said not enough sits, so the NSF men have to let their sits out for the family members... haha!.. of course lah bebe gotta go out.. was listening and watching the video... haha after that we're split into two grps, of course i am grp with Ms lee... haha! was like walking behind her and said hi to her.. she was shocked too.. such a small world to see her there.. haha! seeing me there either.. haha! she asked why i am there? i said' pointing at bebe, there' haha! she said bf i said ya! hahalol? funny thing was, u came with his parents? me:'ya'
ms lee:' wha! so fast see ur in-law le ar?' haha! lol!?its like so funny lah..

Dogs demo.. haha! so cute lah the dogs!!! ahha! went to see the bomb suit wad so ever.. haha! went to purchase a drink from the vending machine, and i took the last can of chystantimum.. haha! his frens or whomever said 'wao lao, u took the last can of ...' bebe said" eh how dare u scold my gf" haha! was like so funny lah... aiyo! haha!!! His Frens said that i look old... D= so sad! next time i tie two pony tails i tell u! hnmph! haha!

Dinner was at JP.. finally went there.. haha! saw hannah and bf.. hahathen still got wad? went round walking.. haha suddenly a surprise appear! haha! a rose hanging onto his shirt... at first i was angry and walking around looking for him... then when me and hannah spotted him at the florist shop, then we walked away.. dun care him... haha... loL!?

OH YAH! something to be happy! bebe passed his test! =D soon.... i get to...... hahahaahahahahhaha!!!!

now its today! (22Feb): Went out for study at about 12pm.. haha been studying and doing homework for today... didnt really do much of other things... ya something like that... when i was doing homework, he was busy playing 'maple' loL!?haha at least he got something to do.. haha! guess that isit... will see wad to add maybe later on!?

<-- Do me and my bro look alike? =D

Tmr got tournament! against SCGS... and tues against Cedar... this is fighting for positions... not national match yet.. just the positioning in south zone... =D *Come support us!!! come come! =D*

sign out( happy =D tired)

2009-02-15T23:11:00.004+08:00

<-- The porridge!
WOW! today its sunday so fast! haha morning had a bad nightmare which wakes me up.. hais.. damn sian! 11 plus went ntuc with mummy, baby and maid.. was carrying baby throughout the whole journey shopping for stuff and so.. haha! reached home, the first thing i do its to cook my porridge! haha! my ai xin porridge haha! i thought it would be fast, but who noe's take up so much time.. while i prepare, i almost cut my finger when i slice the meat... haha! hoped its nice for u lah.. hoped u dun get sick so easily... haha

Ur there about 2plus.. eat the porridge with u.. then sleep.. haha! so tire.. u said i kept moving or duno wad lah.. duno how to spell... cuase i had nightmare.. its so scary.. lucky u stay by my side with me, but u;re playing game =( its okay at least i get to grab u =D haha! its like this nightmare its the worst nightmare ever... thinking too much??? not sure.. scared.. and terrified!

Dinner time! which means time to go home! haha! wow! see ur mum cooked so many dishes.. makes me hungry! haha! it taste so yummy.. wow! haha went to ntuc again.. haha this time its with u, buying drinks and snacks... eeeya! u played! hmph! dun give me eat the biscuit! so bad!!! hmph! MR WATEVER! =D

Having some talks at my house downstairs regarding about my future.. as in, shouldi go overseas and study or local.. ya.. its sad to hear that... and its sad to hear that if i am not leaveing, u will still be leaving eventually for ur masters.. hais.. i also duno wad should i choose.. shoulden had talked about this.. seriously! .. hais!.. full of regrets... full of tears...

sign out(Its somethings to be happy... and somethings to be sad... )

2009-02-14T22:14:00.003+08:00

<-- i made this and the I its me ! =D
<--OOPS my hair so ugly! haha
<-- My present from him.. ^^
<--The shirt i went to make..

WOW! its back to sat! haha! so fast!!!... lets start my story for the week! ^^

monday(10.02.09): was against beatty for tournament and fairfield won! =D haha
Tuesday: nothing much i guess forget le... oh i noe, i brought my baby brother to ikea! haha! with hannah! so fun lah! but abit the.. haha!
Wednesday: hmm.. its against guang yang for tournament.. and fairfield won! ^^ haha
Thursday: gotta noe about service leanrning.. =D hehe! vietman!!!! haha!
Friday:hmm.. its against RGS for tournament.. and fairfield lost.. BUT!, we lost, at least we tried our very best yea... right gals!?? haha! u done a great job for those having close scores with them ^^ haha! my opponent very friendly.. keep smiling de.. haha! =D but sorry gals, i could have done it better... i guess...

And FINALLY ITS TODAY! haha! got lots of plan out.. haha
-waked up at about 745am, i auto wake up.. thought i was late.. haha! i was so excitied lah! i thought last night u going to call me after i offline.. but u never D= sad! ~~~

-met u at about 9.. at dover mrt, we heading to chinese garden! =D

-JUrong swimming complex haha! so early morning go swimming.. hehe! then the pool so little ppl.. then swim and swim.. lazy here and there, and realise u very lazY! haha! in the lazy pool for duno how many rounds.. never really play the facilities there... was at the wave and lazypool only!.. haha! but its fun lah...

-Our Locker no. 123.. then u said i wear very weird for both suits.. D= really? OMG! i swear next time i wont wear that to swim.. shower come out.. haha so cute both of us.. =D haha! went to the KFC to eat.. then inside was like damn cold lah!!!

-Intended to go bowl after KFC, but see u sneeze and sneeze, decided to go back.. forget about it, cause i dun wan to see u sick.. so we went back home.. haha! =D

PLay game argH! hmph!!! idiot i almost really fall a sleep then u come acc me.. but its okay lah.. at least u're not playing the whole time.. at least spear a thought for me! =D great improvement lah... (i guess) slack slack slack... ~~~~

Time for me to go home to prepare.. haha! for the night plans.. cooked food and dinner for u.. was at some area near my house, played with candles, with ur gifts and mine.. haha! it was nice lah.. simple enough.. haha! hoped u like the shirt i gave u.. and the printing shirt.. =D although it attracted alot of attention in the mrt train, but its alright.. we're tgt, nothing to be embarrassed about =D smilez!! haha! this time no flowers.. and i expected it.. but its alright lah.. =) nvm le lah.. over le haha!
sign out(happy!~~ enjoyed~)
~So tire..
~... ... ...
~一朵我也满足。

Wish everyone to have a happy and enjoyable VALENTINE DAY! =D

2009-02-08T22:17:00.003+08:00

<-- oops my class ethinc celebration, the one and only full pic that i have.. cause i went off early.. hais.. sob!

Today went to Queens with hannah.. went to make the tee, which made me spend most of my time there... and i dun get the chance to go another place that i needed to go... its alright anw.. i hoped i still have the time... today went to print the tee, its so cute.. OMG! haha i am not going to put the pic up yet, only after we had wore it, then i will put it up.. When mummy come home, i show her, haha! she said its so cute, and wanted to ask me to take alot of pic... On that particular day that we going to wear the tee... i had many places i wanted to go... but it just seems that its either too rush, or too funny... been askin around where will u go for that day... night i had plans.. but the day... hmm.. seems abit the.... cant describe...

Kai kai bought psp lor.. bought the same colour as me.. haha! today went up to his house and helped him in some things about psp.. though i noe little of it.. haha! hmmm... was like missing u the whole day lah.. damn sian! was busy making the tee... was busy... homework also can forget to do.. =D haha somemore tmr got phy test.. hais! damn sian! but its okay! i manage to finished it , i mean everything by today, and 1030 i can go to bed! haha! spending little time of mine to type a blog... till maybe the next fri ^^ Totally wad i spent on, its a broke le!.. my pocket one big big hole le.. hais.. damn sian! but its worth it lah.. and i hoped that the particular day which is arriving, will be worthy and meaningful.. full of happiness and laughter... ^^ really do hoped! anw gtg.. byes! good night rest ppl! ^^

sign out(busy)

2009-02-07T20:33:00.002+08:00

its saturday! wheee! haha! so fast... hmmm... lets see wad happen this week!.. hehe..

monday: match was the first match against cresent.. its scary and i felt bad after first and second set with sarah.. cause she got scolded by coach cause of me.. i felt so bad... and getting to be fierce to win the third one! KILL! haha.. we won.. overall won! 4 to 1 fairfield won! wheee!

Tuesday: hmmm... chapel, i slept.. and audrey woke me up! lol! haha! so ps lah! somethings happen! =D haha! psps!

Wednesday: Match was against kent ridge.. hmmm... the fight was kinda funny, and not funny.. funny was seeing somethings that i dun see it before in the court.. the act and wadever... will not further describe.. but its kinda funny lah.. yaya.. won! 4 to 1! fairfield won! haha!

Thursday: hmmm... got anythng? i cant really rmb....

Friday: Match was against CHIJ Toa Payoh.. the fight was scary and really can cry de... jing xia almost lost but of course she won in the end... i played as third singles... so screwed up! hais.. i can win.. if i dun do mistakes... i can win de! i got the feel of running for all shuttles! OMG! i wasted wad i said to jing xia! sian!... its so good that we won IJ, cause its our crucial match!... Heard Ms thio cried.. poor thing.. hais!.. this match is so.... .... gan chiong! make ppl heart can come out... thanks for everyone's support! was so stressed for third singles, saying that i may and most likely the deciding one.. i was like under so much pressure!... hais! idiot!

Saturday: TODAY! haha! was spending whole day... ... ... no further explains! but i am happy lah! sian injured my elbow.. hais! idiot haha! last night got fever.. and i am feverish.. didnt realise bah? hehe! haha! =D but now okay le lah!.. poor bebe.. that is wad i can say.. ehe! the poor bebe refers to something between us.. =S u will understand ^^ jia u! hehe!

Valentine day is comin! haha! next week! wheee! haha! and I wan to go on 21!!! i wan!!! bring me go! aha! i wan to see see... if i can go, wad should i dress??? wad u wan to see me in!? hehe! tell me alright?!!! missess!!! hais! i wasted again!!!! D= u undrstands de lah! hais!!!

Sign out( happy!)
~Do u like the way i behave today? =D

2009-01-30T22:00:00.003+08:00

Hmmm its friday! haha i can blog again.. =D its end of chinese new year once again! wish everyone a happy chinese new year... haha! wadever lor! lame right!? hmph! haha... hmmm cant really rmb wad i did sia.. i only noe i went bai nian!.. get red packets and play! haha!

初一：went around to bai nian.. haha! so bored.. but i get many many ang bao heehee!!! haha!!! been smsing u.. but u like never really reply.. cuase u said u choose not ro reply.. and sms more...
hais!... sian sian sian!!!!! nvm haha!!!!!! i siao le lah!

初二：went to ur house to bai nian.. so weird and funny.. okay lah.. then go ur ah gong's house... so unexpected to see ur other relatives! so ps! somethings happen! lOL! then u went my house to eat and bai nian!... etc.. soon u left wth! argH! forget it!...

South Zone Tournament is coming! whoooo! its next monday! so scary lah! ahhhh! Mr Ow told us things.. so stressful now... coach also.. hais.. i am afraid wad can i do? no one can be there for me.. dun say mei lah.. aiya i only can say, i cried abit bit in sch today.. that's all about today stuff... its just too bad for u to miss it.. i wont say so much... i not stupid okay!?

haha! i duno the way i treating things now is it right or wrong? inside me now its like hmmm... half happy, high, half upset ,pissed... i trying to open to the things i am facing now.. duno is it right or wrong.. i feel very unhappy leh... but same time happy... hais... duno lah... haha...
actually i began to hate guys to play games.. i also duno why.. i dun wan u to become like my brother... hais!... even worse my mei mei! game freak sia! hais!... be more mature lah peeps! OMG! hais!... i feel so unhappy whenever talking about games and lan now!...

Sign out(argh!!!!!!!)
~I wanted to shout **** u!
argh!!!!
Two nights never eat dinner le...